howl.

for my sweet beeb, part 2

2012-01-03T10:24:00.000-06:00

you're almost here! every day that passes, i think this. often, i exclaim it, with ridiculous hand gestures. we're so excited for you to finally be here; it feels like so long ago we were barely thinking you up. and now we're so close to bringing you home, snuggling your little face off and loving every minute of it.

what a ride, hey? the eye surgery doctor was annoyed with me this morning because of you. he says he needs to see me back again in another 6 months. my vision hasn't changed, and my eyes have healed wonderfully. but they say you can kick off some hormonal changes, which are likely to take place shortly after you're born, and they want to be sure everything stays on track. but don't listen to him--we're not in the least bit apologetic about your arrival. in fact, the giddiness has all but overcome the nervousness at this point. we're completely unprepared! and if you came tomorrow (as long as you're strong and healthy) we wouldn't mind at all.

probably the best part of this journey has been watching your Daddy grow into your Daddy. he can't wait to finally see you, name you, play all kinds of monkey games with you. at first i was worried he wasn't ready for you; he seemed a tough nut to crack when i first approached the idea of introducing another small human into the family dynamic. but you should see him now! a nervous bundle of joy and anticipation, i've never seen him look so lovely before. the cynics and experts say having a baby can disrupt a marriage relationship. sure, we're not getting much sleep these days (i have considered moving a cot into the bathroom, but we prefer our current cozy, sleepless bedroom situation, when it comes down to it.) but i've never been so in love. something about our anticipation of you makes every day more exciting, more adveturous, more romantic. having just come through the Christmas season, i'm reminded that there was another child once who had a similar sort of effect. the excitement, the joy, the mysterious, boundless love. so perhaps this time is like this by design--a brilliant Creator using his handiwork to give us a glimpse of his perfect hand, a veteran Father teaching us what it means to be His family.

Christmas was, in some ways, unusually special for us this year. not everything went as planned, but all at once we started to come together as a little family for the first time, all on our own. i wish you could see all the beautiful Christmas lights your Daddy worked so hard on! if i could talk him into it, i'd leave them up a little longer, hoping that we can bring you home to a place so pretty and cozy and bright. (he may be uncharacteristically excited about Christmas this year, but let us not forget his relentless practicality.) i could hardly belive it; your Daddy finally caught the Christmas bug and worked harder than ever to create a beautiful Christmas for us (our own little Clark Griswold!) i just wish you could be here to enjoy it with us. guess there's always next year. plus, maybe by then we might actually have a little snow!

"We checked every bulb, didn't we?"

until then, Beeb, keep up the good work during Kick Daddy Hour each morning; he may sound a little grumpy, but i assure you, he's enjoying it as much as we are. ♥

love,
Mama

on strangeness and disappointment.

2011-12-13T15:51:00.000-06:00

after a too-short, but moderately productive, weekend i thought i ought to wrap up some business. you may (or most likely, may not) remember a tiny bomb i dropped in the middle of this post, not too far back. the comment i made was about the disappointment i've felt about this pregnancy so far, and while i was trying to downplay my whining, i did not realize it would perhaps cause concern for some readers (who, you know, read the things i write. silly me!) anyway, it dawned on me, after having attended 2 birthing classes so far, that i was perhaps not alone in this feeling. but at the same time, no one seems to really discuss many of the negative feelings associated with pregnancy. it's all diaper pails and coordinated bedding and fancy strollers, with the occasional mention of an annoying pregnancy symptom or discomfort. at least, that's the majority of what i've come across, given my limited vantage point.

that said, the following is perhaps a more articulated (i hope?) explanation of some of the less rosy side of pregnancy, at least as i've experienced it so far. this is not, nor do i wish for it to be, merely a list of gripes, or a not-so-subtle way of trying to fish compliments or empty encouragements from the masses. i'd just like, for once, to be honest about how things have gone so far, with how my expectations measured up with reality, with the hope that someone else might feel the same way and would be encouraged to know that they are not alone. also, it should be noted that all i'm about to disclose does not represent the majority of my feelings about pregnancy; in fact, i've had a rather delightful time of it. so while i struggle from time to time with regrets and anxieties, please know that i'm actually feeling quite wonderful about the whole process. it's been mysterious and captivating to be host to the creation of a new little person, and i've loved every minute of the experience from that perspective.

all that being what it is, i'm surprisingly content with our current situation. in fact, i've been happier throughout this pregnancy than i've been in a long time. not that i was unhappy prior to this, but there's just something about the expectation of new life that makes the human heart glad, i think. i'm feeling more in love with my sweet Husband than ever, for example, during a time i expected to be rather difficult and full of painful adjustments for us both. he, of course, has been wonderful through it all, and it's clearer to me every day how i simply could not do this without him. the more time passes, the more convinced i become that having his baby is the best idea i've ever had!

so what am i so disappointed about? in short, i had BIG PLANS for this pregnancy. i had been anticipating being pregnant for some time (something like 10 minutes... but felt very long to very-impatient me) and had lots of expectations. maybe they were foolish, but as dreamers do, dream i most certainly did. and worse--I MADE PLANS. i read articles, blogs, books about how to stay healthy and fit throughout pregnancy. i started running again (sort of, if you count twice as "started again".) i gathered advice from friends and family about the medical aspects of pregnancy, timelines for preparations, you name it. and then! ... i actually got pregnant.

still feeling young and optimistic, around week 20

for the first few weeks, i was merely slightly uncomfortable, but whatever bloated discomfort i faced was easily overshadowed by my intense worry and glee. the Husband and i were both pretty giddy about the whole idea; having finally pulled the trigger on this whole "family" idea was overwhelming, but mostly at that point just plain fun. but soon The First Trimester started. and soon i found myself overwhelmingly nauseous and outrageously exhausted. for weeks 8 through about 16 or so, my couch had never seen so much of me and my flower beds had never seen so little. i was down for the count, and it was NOT pretty. so there went my plans. just like that! just like i said they wouldn't. for i had MADE PLANS, you see. BIG PLANS. for running through the first trimester! for maintaining a healthy diet, plus or minus perhaps a couple small tweaks to account for cravings and foods rich in healthy, life-giving fats and calories! for sewing, for cleaning, for crafty preparations galore! but all. i did. was lay there. for 2. long. months. "i'll get back to that in the second trimester," i told myself. "i'll be feeling better then."

and feel better i did. just better enough to become more busy than i ever imagined. was pregnancy supposed to be this busy? why did i suddenly no longer have time for daily workouts? trips to the grocery store? laundry? dishes? where did all my time go? i've spent more time reflecting on this than i probably should, and i still don't have any answers. i'm not sure how it is i did not expect pregnancy to be as busy as, say, wedding planning. i suppose i expected to be busy during pregnancy, but i think i was picturing something more ... productive. instead, we suddenly found ourselves in a whirlwind of appointments, busy work schedules, overly ambitious home improvement projects and very little else. all our routine went out the window, and along with it our healthy eating habits, our regular workouts and our ability to keep our house even remotely clean. by the time i felt like i had time to breathe, i realized i had missed several months of regular workouts and no longer remembered what to even buy from the grocery store, much less what it is we used to eat or how i ever had time to cook dinner.

to be a little more brief, i've been terribly disappointed with how things have gone with this pregnancy. not because pregnancy has been awful or because the struggles and discomforts outweigh the happy parts (that's certainly not even close to true.) but because i once considered myself a routine-driven, capable, disciplined person. and suddenly i am seemingly none of those things. (on that note, please do not send me messages trying to tell me otherwise. you have not been at my house for the last few months to witness the carnage, you're going to have to trust me on this. plus, that is not the point here, i thought i mentioned that earlier.) realizing all of this has been difficult for me, to say the least. looking around, it doesn't seem like any other pregnant moms-to-be have so much trouble keeping it together. most of them appear clean, dressed and healthy. i think i even saw some of them eating vegetables.

so while most of this pregnancy has been thick with anticipation, adventure and delight, i can't shake the feeling that i should have done better. that i should have tried harder, that i should have maybe even tried a little. it scares me a little, moving toward such a drastic transformative life change that i feel as if i've lost all control. my only hope is that this time has given me some new perspective. or at least that it has given me a break between my life before and what my life is about to become. like a fresh start, i can pick up and start all over again. and this time, instead of changing routines, i'll merely start anew. so i suppose there's some hope built into this feeling of disappointment. a clear vision of what my life might be without a little structure, and a healthy helping of humility to spur me on.

for my sweet beeb, part 1*

2011-11-27T22:49:00.000-06:00

"I miss you," I said to you, already, yesterday. I startled a little, as I let that little whisper out. Miss you? How could I, when you're still so close? Maybe I had grown so used to your usual squirmings that I was not feeling as aware of your presence as usual. Maybe you were napping and I had something exciting to tell you. Or maybe, already, I was anticipating having to let you go, little by little every day.

I didn't expect to have to face the pain of parenting so soon. It's so strange, I began this process by carrying you, a little more each day, more and more as time went on. (I wish you could see how silly I look by now! All belly, with short little arms and legs.) The day you're born I'll already begin the process of carrying you less, little by little, each day that passes.

pretty sure i can no longer see my feet by now...

But all that is too much for me right now; I can tell I'm getting ahead of myself. Right now I just want to hold you. Right now I just want to be here, with little tiny pefect you, with your sweet Daddy, our tiny family just as small and new and hopeful as you are. I'm beginning to understand this motherhood thing, a little, when people try to describe how surreal it is for everything to be so strange, and yet so familiar, all at the same time. I feel like I know you already, but at the same time, I can't wait to know you, face to face. You're already so near, and still I can't help but want to be closer, to hold and squeeze you and cover you in kisses.

We're not ready for you to be here yet, there's so much to be done. But at the same time, we're so ready. So, so ready.

___ __ _

*this was actually written a couple of weeks ago, but i figured if i didn't start posting these things soon, i might lose them. or get too lazy to keep going. same with the photo, actually. somehow technology slows me down...

our little chicken tender

2011-11-16T16:42:00.000-06:00

about a week or so ago, i dreamed we had our baby. (a few months early, if you're keeping track.) she was very small, only about 5 inches long, but otherwise healthy and seemingly pleased to be in the world. so small, in fact, that she kept slipping through the crook in my arm and i had to keep digging around in the couch cushions looking for her. (don't worry, she was fine. this is a dream, people.)
at the climax of the dream, i proudly presented her to my mom, holding her up like Simba in the Lion King, and proclaiming gleefully, "She's our little chicken tender!!!"

upon waking, this was my first thought: OF COURSE i would give birth to a chicken tender! considering my diet for the last few months, nothing at this point would surprise me less.

this one's herbed, but i assure you, ours was just as delicious.

speaking of our little chicken tender, she's about all that's been on my mind lately, in one form or another. when something like pregnancy takes over your body and your life, it's hard to focus on much else, really. as a result, i've spent a lot of time lately reading and thinking about pregnancy and parenthood, as one might expect.

pregnancy, for me, has been filled with a lot strangeness and disappointment (in myself mostly, not in the experience), but also with a lot of hopeful exploration. i think my favorite part of the process has been in the discovery, and something about the mystery of it all never gets old.

i was pleased to find this article today, on Jen's blog of all places. it so hit home with me that i felt i should share it. besides, i've been rather internet shy the last few months. (remember all that disappointment i mentioned earlier?) if i'm not providing compelling content of my own, i might as well point you in a good direction. ♥

pruning

2011-10-18T20:40:00.000-05:00

a few weeks ago, we made our annual trip to the apple orchard. i'd been waiting so long for the cool weather, turning leaves and crisp, tart apples; it comes every year, but still it feels forever new and fresh, like i can finally take my first deep breath in months.

i heard a sermon recently about pruning and fruit. in it, there was a story about an apple tree that was overgrown and breaking under the weight of its own bitter fruit. it needs pruning, or it will eventually die, the gardener said. when he was done working, there was almost nothing left of the poor tree, nothing green. the tree has been traumatized, he said, by the severe pruning. but eventually, it will grow strong and bear fruit, big and sweet.

i watched my husband, along with his father and his brother, cut down a number of trees in our yard a while back. many were diseased and had died, one had grown awkwardly and was threatening to crush our garage. even some that were still tall and strong needed pruning; i watched with concern as they sawed off every sideways-growing limb and thinned the branches to let sunlight in. wouldn't too much pruning hurt the tree, i said? won't it leave even the largest trees in distress? the most mature trees, they said, might feel a little pain, but in the end they'll be healthier, stronger. the branches growing toward the sky are the most important parts of the tree. anything else is stealing precious nutrients and energy from the stronger branches, and threatening the tree's health. the trees need to be pruned, they said, in order for them to survive.

it got me thinking about my tendency to hurry forward, yearning for fruit but despising the necessary pruning. i don't think it's necessarily bad to long to bear good fruit, but i think better than that is an attitude that embraces the pruning and receives it with joy--a painful means to a beautiful end. i don't know if we have any say over what parts of us get pruned and what remain (although, i suspect not); but if i could choose, i'd like to see the laziness go. clip off the fear, prune away my short-sightedness. cut down and burn all the sideways-growing branches of self-centeredness and pride, to make room for branches that can bear good fruit. so the light can come in and grow a blossom into a fruit, so that fruit can ripen into something bold, sweet and nourishing. so that the harvest is plentiful and many can eat till they're full.

to the man who wooed me with a grilled cheese sandwich:

2011-06-10T09:38:00.000-05:00

i can't imagine what my life might be like had you not smuggled that tiny electric skillet into the dorms illegally.

what a rebel.

(but i suspect it might suck.)

where to next, Master Chief?

my sweet Beage, you are my favorite in all the land.

(even if you do knock me out of trees, occasionally.)

but today especially,
i am SO glad you were born. ♥

(you crazy dino.) ♥

happy birthday, love!

it is finished.

2011-04-22T12:19:00.000-05:00

a dear friend once reminded me, upon her own rediscovery, that all the best songs have already been written.

trying to prepare my heart for the heaviness of Good Friday, i found this one, again. and since i cannot say it any more perfectly, i'll merely let it stand on its own.

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom.

huzzah!

2011-04-11T09:33:00.001-05:00

you guys! howl. handbags was featured is today's featured designer on the Handbag Designer 101 site!

check 'er out!

big ol' thanks to those folks for giving howl. the spotlight for a minute. exciting times!

atrophy

2011-03-16T11:13:00.001-05:00

i have a friend, she writes beautiful words. some of her recent words read like a script in my head. these are the lines i've spoken, the dance i've done.

since an injury last summer, i haven't been as active as i would have liked. i can feel that my body has gotten softer, changed shape. my clothes don't fit. what i see in the mirror doesn't match the body in my head, i feel like i don't belong in my own skin. i can see evidence in places where muscle definition used to exist, but what's there now seems unfamiliar. the landscape has changed, and i don't know where i am.

workouts are harder, leave me stiff and sore for days. i am remembering what this feels like, relearning how to move, how to stand, how to breathe. i am surprised to find myself slower, weaker, less flexible.

i get the same feeling when i haven't been in the Bible as much as i would like. i forget things, i lose focus. like He calls my name, reaches for me, but His hand only barely brushes my sleeve as i breeze through the door. later on, i wonder why He didn't fight harder for me. i accuse Him, i shift the blame. but He was always in pursuit; i was the one who got distracted, who turned and walked away.

now, back in that wonderful book, i am starting to recognize some things. the words sound familiar, their message feels like nourishment to brittle bones, sore muscles, a weak heart. i see signposts everywhere--my handwriting in the margins, well-worn pages, notes from friends, evidences that i once knew this place. i lived here once, this was my home. it doesn't feel like that yet, it still seems new, but already it feels so much better than where i've been. like the softness of your own sheets after a long week away.

Paul says "I beat my body, and make it a slave, lest after preaching to others I myself should bedisqualified." it's a picture of discipline so purposeful, so complete. a subtle warning against laziness and apathy, a reminder to keep our eyes fixed on the goal. to run with purpose. to persevere.

for those who have been feeling a bit unsteady.

2011-03-11T14:54:00.001-06:00

a loving reminder of where our hope should lie: not in paychecks, governments, unions or even in ourselves, but in our good and sovereign Savior, Creator of all things.

"

Top Ten Healthy Must-Haves (Or, Grocery Shopping for Dummies. And Lazy People. Trust Me, We Would Know.)

2011-02-15T10:51:00.000-06:00

ever spend your time in line at the grocery store surveying and evaluating the contents of other patrons' grocery carts? ... me either. how judgmental! i mean really, who does that? ... *ahem*

if you hadn't already heard, over the course of the last year or so, Hubs and i have made a real push for eating healthier and getting in really good shape. (well, when it comes to the healthy eating, poor Hubs sort-of just goes along with this, and is kindly compliant as long as i keep his daily dose of tortilla chips stocked.) while struggling with an injury since early fall, i've been rather discouraged with my progress (or loss of fitness level, as it turns out). so i've been taking this opportunity to really get back on the ol' wagon when it comes to eating well.

after a season of rather lax eating habits, Hubs and i were a little stunned by how easily we were able to get back into a routine of healthy eating. we realized that we had spent so much time over the last year testing things out and seeing what worked for us that we already knew what to grab when we went to the grocery store.

when people talk about the difference between dieting and a lifestyle change, i think this is key: finding your groove, figuring out what works for you and sticking with it. it's not necessary to eat the same foods over and over, and suffer a severe lack of variety; however, it is helpful to have a few staple items that you always have on hand. this way, if you're low on food or out of ideas, it's easier to throw something new together with what you have on hand, without compromising your nutrition goals.

i've been answering a handful of questions from folks lately about what kinds of things i eat and prepare for myself and Hubs, so i thought perhaps sharing with you some of our grocery staples might be of some benefit. (if not, too bad, i'm going with it. ha.) we're not experts or anything like that, but have sought counsel from folks who are, and spent a lot of time figuring out what works for us.

here you'll find a list of the items we continually keep stocked at our house, and are on almost every shopping list each time we go to the store. buying these items has become almost automatic for us, which, considering i hate going to the grocery store and have a Husband with ADHD, this is pretty handy. also, most of these items are pretty versatile, which is helpful for folks like us who aren't very good at planning meals ahead of time. plus, they're all super healthy, which keeps us on track, even when we're not super organized in general.

so without much further ado, i give you: our Top Ten Grocery Store Buys!

(in no particular order...)

1. Chobani Nonfat Greek Yogurt. you guys don't really know what a lifesaver this stuff has been. if you're being mindful of your carb intake, this stuff is basically miraculous. we usually get either plain or vanilla flavors, as these are lowest in sugar. in fact, both have more grams of protein than they do carbohydrates; the plain has 18 grams of protein per serving! and we use this stuff for EVERYTHING. the plain is a perfect substitute for sour cream, when topping soups, tacos, etc., and a great alternative to mayo if making tuna or chicken salads. Hubs sprinkles cinnamon on the top and uses it as dip for his apples; the vanilla also makes a great pairing for fruit.
2. Apples. our favorite time of year is autumn, when the local apple harvest is in full swing. but even year-round, we have apples in the house almost all the time. they're a solid fruit that keeps well, has tons of health benefits, and best of all: Hubs never gets sick of them. for a while, i was convinced all he ever ate was apple slices and yogurt. but he was eating something healthy and enjoying it, so how could i argue with that? these are an absolute essential for us, so when hunger strikes, we always have a healthy snack on hand. our favorites are Cortlands, Pink Ladies and Honeycrisp.
3. Eggs. Egg whites are an almost perfect source of protein, and although i haven't convinced Hubs to get past the "egg stink" and give them a try, i eat eggs in one form or another almost every day. usually, i separate out the yolks and only eat one per meal, using mostly just the whites. i try to hard-boil a handful of eggs at the beginning of the week, so i have a quick and easy protein source at hand when i need it. i'm always finding new ways to eat them, too. one of my recent favorites is poaching eggs in a skillet with Ro-Tel tomatoes, tomatillo salsa, black beans, garlic and frozen spinach. super fast to prepare, and super healthy as well. win-win! my favorite brand is Eggland's Best.
4. Kemp's Cottage Cheese. no, i'm not getting paid for any of these grocery endorsements. but i will admit that we're pretty picky about brands. we're kind of OCD like that. not that we're total snobs, it's just that once we find something we can agree on, that works, it's best to kind of stick with it. (also, we're total food snobs. there. happy?) i never ate cottage cheese until just recently, and now we keep it in the house all the time. it's a fantastic source of protein, and if you're mindful of your fat intake, this is a healthy way to satisfy your craving for some cheesy goodness. Kemps is particularly good, especially since their 1% variety is just as good as the full-fat stuff you can get at the salad bar. not too runny, and just rich enough to trick you into thinking it's not low-fat. Hubs eats it as a side with most meals (startling quantities of it, actually), while i prefer it with hard-boiled eggs, omelets or fresh peaches. random tip: it also makes a great mayo/spread substitute for pita sandwiches. yum.
5. Jennie-O Turkey. we eat a lot of tacos at our house. like, A LOT of tacos. or at least, taco-related foods, considering i try to steer clear of grain-y carbs more often than not. we buy 5-pound packs of lean ground turkey from Sam's Club and keep it in the freezer, then pull out a package at a time to make taco meat. when all the taco seasoning is in there, you can hardly tell it's not just normal beefy taco meat, and actually i've come to prefer this leaner variety over the traditional ground chuck. we make a whole 2.5-pound package of meat at once, and keep the leftovers in the fridge to reheat throughout the week. it's also perfect for chili, another frequent meal at our house (we like to cook once a week and then just eat leftovers all week, can you tell?) recently, i also discovered Jennie-O Sweet Italian Turkey Sausage, which has been like an extra-special treat that's been useful in broadening my collection of go-to recipes. brown either of these and add them to spaghetti sauce to top whole wheat pasta, or my favorite, sauteed zucchini.
6. Canned Diced Tomatoes. we also buy these in bulk from Sam's Club--both plain diced and Ro-Tel tomatoes with green chiles. we use them for making chili or taco soup most of the time, but i've recently begun using them to poach eggs in a skillet. tomatoes are obviously awesome for you, so these provide a quick and easy way to get some extra vitamins into any meal, even if we don't have fresh veggies on hand.
7. Black Beans. beans are clearly a great source of protein, but black beans are especially good considering their lower starch content compared to other beans. we use these in everything: tacos, chili, egg dishes, etc. we're especially partial to Goya brand, the low-sodium variety. if you're a vegetarian, or just trying to use meat more sparingly, these are a reliable and yummy source of protein to have on hand.
8. Spinach/Salad Greens. when i'm in the groove, i eat salad at least once a day, often with both lunch and dinner. we tend to buy boxed salad greens in bulk, yes, from Sam's Club. depending on what we're hungry for or getting sick of, we alternate between baby spinach and mixed salad greens (we especially like those ones that come in the box with six tiny heads of different artisan lettuces. so fancy!) having a salad base on hand at all times makes preparing a healthy side for dinner really quick and easy. keep chopped veggies in the fridge, toss some on, add protein and drizzle with olive oil and balsamic vinegar for a quick lunch.
9. Bell Peppers. lots of people seem not to like peppers, for some reason, but they work for us. we usually buy two varieties: green and either red or yellow. then we eat them with everything. no seriously, EVERYTHING. i usually try to slice a few peppers into strips at the beginning of the week, so we have them on hand for easy use. here's a small sampling of our favorite bell pepper applications: eggs, tacos, salad, chili, cajun shrimp/turkey sausage skillet. i also pack them in my lunch and dip them in hummus; it's an easy way for me to make sure i'm getting enough veggies, and the hummus is a great healthy protein source.
10. Nuts. nuts have gotten a bad reputation as being fatty, but if you're mindful of how you're using them, they can be quite beneficial. yes, they have "good fat," or at least lots of them do. we keep raw almonds, walnuts, pecans and cashews on hand most of the time as a healthy snack. sometimes we mix them with dried fruit and dark chocolate to make a healthy trail mix. but i also keep raw almonds on hand most of the time, since they keep and travel well. just a handful of these can make a filling and healthy snack.worried about price? buy in bulk. we find most of ours in the baking aisle at Sam's Club. (... surprise, surprise.)
*11. Whey Protein Powder. technically, i'm not sure this is really considered a food, so i tacked it on the end as a bonus. (this list goes to 11!) i have a protein shake almost every day. protein is filling and helps build muscle, which in the end allows your body to burn more calories naturally. we've tried a couple of different protein powders, but currently use EAS brand because it's relatively cheap (Sam's Club. bulk. duh.), not digusting (at least the chocolate flavor), and packs 20+ grams of protein per serving. Hubs likes his mixed with a little milk. i can taste the non-sugar sweetener, which i'm not particularly a fan of, so i usually add liquid coffee concentrate to mask the flavor. then it's like a delicious guilt-free mocha shake! every day! see? eating healthy CAN be totally awesome. :)

so that, folks, is our list of food must-haves. these may not work for everybody, but we've found that they work well for us. and yes, we do eat other foods not included on this list, naturally, these are just our staples. do you have any go-to grocery store buys? what things do you find yourself filling your cart with each time you hit the store? i'm always looking for new ideas for expanding our healthy meal repertoire.

pros and cons: double tights

2011-02-08T11:32:00.000-06:00

it's a two-pairs-of-tights kind of day here in the single-digit Midwest. (AND WE LIKE IT THAT WAY. IT BUILDS CHARACTER.)

dressing for cold weather requires some practice, but to be honest, i appreciate the challenge. getting sick of winter already? consider today's topic: the implications of layering up on tights.

Photo via smittenbyliz.com

CONS:
- double the layers equals double the time required to make a bathroom trip.
- forgetting you must sit like a lady.
- static cling.

PROS:
- tights are awesome. therefore, double tights equals double awesome. (obv.)
- extreme warmth, without the bulk.
- cozy legs provide for greater wardrobe creativity and give warm-weather clothes a longer shelf life. ...er, wear life. whatever.
- feeling like a girl at the time of year when one might feel like a frumpy broken record of those same insulated boots and jeans, again.
- one more day you can put off laundering said jeans. again.

in conclusion, it's double tights—for the win!

---

in other news, it seems we've been doing a lot of winning here in Wisconsin lately. if you hadn't noticed. ;)

remember how i said i wanted to get more adventurous with greens?

2011-02-01T14:59:00.000-06:00

i think the blogosphere is trying to send me a message.

also, something i'm working on: my list of healthy food must-haves. stay tuned!
(if this snow storm lives up to the hype, you may see this sooner than later.) ;)

*photo via ymib.com

the long-awaited LASIK post, of course. (Part 3)

2011-01-21T10:07:00.000-06:00

once i realized that i was seeing and walking around without my glasses on, it was pretty exciting. my vision wasn't perfect, and the eye drops clouded things a bit, but i could see! it was then that i realized that my eye discomfort was gone, and that the excessive tearing had stopped. for those of you scared to death now because of my account here, know that things only get better after this. i expected lots of discomfort; i was told it was possible to experience extreme dryness, swelling, scratchy feelings or sandy sensations for a couple of weeks. turns out one night of tearing and melodramatic flopping around is the worst that it gets!

when i went in to the doctor for my post-op visit that morning, the doctor explained that i was seeing 20/25 in my right eye and was slightly farsighted in my left eye, which for some reason he said was a good thing. eventually, he said, everything would even out. the doctor signed my form confirming that i was safe to drive without any glasses or contacts and sent me on my way!

some celebratory pancakes were definitely in order.

and order them we did! the doctor had previously said that patients can usually see well enough to drive themselves to their post-op appointments, but they strongly suggest having a driver, as they expect you might still be "kind of loopy" from the previous day's regimen of sleeping pills and pain meds. i spent most of our trip to Perkins fixated on the fact that not only could the people sitting around us see me, but i could see them. still a little slow from the prior day's drugs, i was probably a pretty boring pancake mate for poor old Hubs. plus, i had made him wake up early to take me to my post-op appointment, which i don't think he was very happy about.

the rest of the weekend was pretty low key. for the first few days, aftercare includes putting one or another type of eye drop in your eyes about once every hour while you're awake, so i spent most of my time doing that. had you stopped by that weekend, you would have found me clutching several obsessive-compulsively folded tissues, with a sticky, slimy face. after surgery, you're not allowed to wipe your eyes for at least 2 weeks, which means if the eye drops run out, you sort of have to leave them there. the grandma nurse in the staging area explained that i was supposed to only blot extra tears at cheekbone level. i, of course, stared at her like she was crazy. "just let the tears come down to you," she insisted.

thus began a long week of trying not to touch my eyes. i'm a perpetual eye digger, always in there fishing out bits of makeup and other debris. the worst part about this was that my eyes felt so normal i kept forgetting that they were still healing and that i couldn't touch them. but the doctor had explained at the meeting the week before the surgery that if you rub your eyes, you could dislodge the flap, since it's not 100% healed back in place yet. the thought of this made me so woozy i wasn't about to take any chances. so blot at cheekbone level i did, for at least a few days. until the cloudy anti-inflammatory drops left so much white crud in the corners of my eyes that my OCD took over and forced me to dig it out. carefully! with the corner of a tissue! don't tell Dr. Hale. and while you're at it, leave out the part about how i wore mascara to my company holiday party a week later.

... oh, did i mention? you're not allowed to wear any eye makeup for TWO WEEKS after surgery. i naturally had scheduled my surgery before i knew it was exactly one week before our company holiday party. i spent the large part of my time in the staging area suppressing the desire to shout WHAT DO YOU MEAN TWO WEEKS. THIS IS SO UNREASONABLE. i knew if i brought it up they would only be suspicious of me, and maybe send spies to make sure i wasn't breaking the post-op rules. so i kept my trap shut. and then dragged my beady-eyed, sticky-faced self to work for a week, with much grumbling and complaining.

"but no makeup for two weeks? that's not such a big deal. seems like a small price to pay for the gift of fuss-free vision for the rest of your life!" you're definitely right about that. but that did not stop my grumbling or complaining. especially once i realized that the tape they gave me to put on my eye shields at night left glue on my face that was impossible to remove. (you might recall a string of twitter and/or facebook posts in which i ranted on and on about the agony of face glue.)

i actually vaguely remembered, in the midst of all my grumbling, that the doctor was telling us at the pre-op meeting about other patients' recollections of the worst part of the surgery. he mentioned the suction cup eyeball holder thingy, and then said that lots of people hated the tape for the eye shields. he and i simultaneously scoffed at what babies those people must be. tape? on your face? what a small price to pay for visual freedom! ... NOW I KNOW. here's a magic tip i didn't manage to scrounge up until more than a week after surgery: olive oil. it's your best friggin' friend. (gotta give credit where credit is due. mucho thanks to homegirl Alison for that face-saving tip!)

they say you only have to wear the shields while sleeping for a week or so, but if you're worried about poking yourself in the eye, that you can continue to wear them. two weeks later, i still wear them at night like the overachieving valedictorian of LASIK surgery. "but didn't you wear makeup only one week after surgery?" okay, first of all: SHHH. second of all, i live with Hubs, The Mightiest Sleep Flopper Of All Time. for his peace of mind and mine, i wear the shields. (also, i found some athletic tape to use that doesn't leave so much extra glue. it's not as sticky, but it gets the job done.)

all in all, that's pretty much the worst of it, folks. i mean, the eye drops give you a bad chemical taste in your mouth, and they cling to your eyelashes and leave a sticky residue. but i was stunned at how petty my complaints about post-op life quickly became. shouldn't i be in pain? writhing in agony because my eyes feel sandy and i cannot rub them? but i most definitely wasn't uncomfortable in the least. at their worst, my eyes only ever felt sort-of like i had contacts in. after only a few days, the drops taper off, and after a week you only need regular tears. i still have moments where my eyes feel a little dry and i drop a couple tears in, but only every few hours. and my vision is getting better by the day. sometimes my eyes feel tired in the afternoon, after work. but by morning they're good as new again. and i can read the alarm clock!

that's the most incredible part—seeing clearly (well, mostly) and yet forgetting constantly that you had just had surgery. like, basically yesterday. while awake! biggest trip of life, folks. i'm tellin' ya, this LASIK nonsense might actually live up to the hype. (hint: IT TOTALLY DOES.) this, coming from the world's biggest scaredy cat. no joke, folks. ♥

read Part 1 here.
read Part 2 here.

the long-awaited LASIK post, of course. (Part 2)

2011-01-20T11:51:00.001-06:00

so yeah. i had quite a bit of work to do on both eyes, but all in all, a minute's only a minute, right? it wasn't so bad. i just kept telling myself what Ryan tells us at kettlebell workouts: you can do anything for a minute. plus, it was nice; the doctor counted down at certain time increments to keep me focused and let me know how much work there was left to be done. he also hummed along with the Mexican music they had playing softly in there. i wonder if they knew that would relax me, rather than make me crave chips & salsa? (not that it doesn't do that, also. but i digress.) it made me laugh, and i wondered how many times a day he hears that song while he's lasering away.

when the laser was done on each eye, the doctor flopped the flap back down, flushed my eyes with some fluid, and got to work getting the flap in place. he used what looked to me like a soft foundation brush to smooth out the flap and make sure there were no wrinkles or bubbles. at the time, i realized that it should have grossed me out, but i found it rather comforting for some reason. i still think about what that looked like and felt like, and remember it as one of my favorite parts (second only perhaps to the excited vaporizing self-talk.)

when everything was back in its place, the doctor and technician sat me up, got me all full of drops, and did a quick check to make sure everything was good. then, while i clutched my tiny bear tightly, they led me down the hall back to the waiting area. earlier, i had watched another girl come out of surgery, smiling, but with her eyes very red and puffy, and watering like crazy, eye drops streaming down her face. it looked uncomfortable. i wondered, as i stumbled out of the surgery room, if i looked the same, and if it scared the other people waiting their turn in the staging area.

the nurse gave me a pain pill, some more drops, and then handed me back my bear and my little kit of drops and medications. she directed me to take a sleeping pill as soon as i got home, tape my eye shields on, and go right to bed. she said if i could sleep through the next 6-8 hours, i would miss all the uncomfortable parts of post-op recovery. i made obsessive mental notes of everything she said, and rejoiced inside that she let me keep the bear. he was so soft and small and wearing an adorable t-shirt. animals with clothes are awesome.

she led me down the hall again, to a different room than where she left Hubs waiting for me. the hall looked like it was under water, just like they said it might, and everything seemed very bright. Hubs was in the new room, waiting for me, annoyed that they had let him sit in the room with all the other patients' drivers until the very last second, when they moved him to this smaller, much quieter room. i could also tell he was bracing for me to completely lose it, as i had warned him i might do. he said some encouraging things, the nurse handed me off, and he guided me to the elevator and out to the car.

the drive home was sort-of surreal. i could see where we were going; obviously i knew the route well, but it looked completely different. everything was a little blurry, but not in the way things look when i'm not wearing glasses or contacts. it looked more like i was looking out a frosty window; everything had a soft, cloudy haze over it, which made the ride rather dreamy. mostly though, instead of feeling calm, i felt tired and anxious. i was working really hard to mentally hold on to all the information they gave me at the surgery center, so i could make sure to tell Hubs so he could help me remember. moments like this, even when i'm under the slightest amount of sedation, always send me into a panic that i'll forget something critically important.

anyway, Hubs got my nervous ass home, and struggled to get me tucked into bed while i rambled on and on about needing to take my sleeping pill. i asked for him to put in my Frida DVD, and when he turned on the TV, i realized that he had put it in already, knowing i would ask for it. (srsly guys, he's SUCH a keeper.) i couldn't really see the TV necessarily, through all the drops and plastic eye shields, but i could hear it, and that was enough for me. i've only seen it about eleventy billion times, and even just listening to it calmed me. i chuckled a bit that the surgery room was playing the same type of music. it made me happy that the day seemed to have a cohesive soundtrack.

Hubs brought me a bowl of my favorite butternut squash soup, with a scoop of Greek yogurt in it, and a square of leftover cornbread my sister had made the weekend prior. i downed it in record time, and he brought me more. about the time i finished the second bowl, i started to feel sleepy finally, and laid down to listen to the movie and fall asleep. everything was going so well! i was going to sleep straight through till late that evening, maybe till the next morning, and when i woke, i would be able to see! i reminded Hubs to check on me occasionally to make sure i hadn't had a freaky reaction to the meds and stopped breathing, and he lovingly complied. i closed my eyes and thought about staring up at the bedroom ceiling the night before, trying to remember what it looked like without my glasses on. then i fell asleep.

a mere four hours later, my pain meds wore off.

i woke up in total panic, as is my custom, and started feeling around frantically for the intercom thing Hubs had left me to use to call for him if i needed anything. i was too tired and weak to remember how to use the talking part, so i pushed the button that makes the crazy beeping tones. about 27 times. when i realized he couldn't hear me, i began flopping around and moaning melodramatically. my eyes felt swollen, painful and were tearing in an epic fashion. between the tears and the eye shields, i couldn't read the chart that explained what eye drops i should take and when. i couldn't find my other sleeping pill, and i definitely didn't know where my other pain pill was. when it became clear that Hubs could not hear my pleas for help, i flopped out of bed and dragged my limp body to the top of the stairs and called for him. it became immediately obvious that he was not home. i realized he must be working out, just minutes from our house, and had probably only planned on being gone an hour or so. leave it to me to wake up in a panic in the only hour he was unavailable.

i dragged my now sobbing, heaving self back to bed, and dramatically flopped around, feeling for something familiar. i eventually found that my other sleeping pill had fallen out of its envelope and onto the floor. i grabbed it, took it, and continued flopping around and moaning. soon i found my kit full of eye drops and instructions, and wrestled with the instructions sheet for a while. i think at some point, i must have found my pain pill and taken that, because i remember after Hubs returned that there was lots of exasperated attempts to communicate to him that i had lost my pills, but then found them and took them.

then i remembered that if i woke up, i was supposed to take some eye drops. but i couldn't read the chart, and was apparently in too much agony to remember that both the chart and the eye drop bottles were color-coded for my convenience. more flopping and moaning ensued. when i remembered the color coding and found the correct bottle, i found that in trying to help me tape on my eye shields, Hubs had done an exemplary job. so good, in fact, that i could not get them off. so i commenced moaning and flopping around, this time with a little less vigor, as the sleeping and pain meds were probably starting to kick in at this point.

soon enough, Hubs came home to find the melodramatic scene in the bedroom. i can't imagine what it all looked like, or what he thought had happened, but i could tell he immediately felt horrible. (please keep in mind that this story should in no way condemn poor Hubs for supposed neglect. in his defense, when he got ready to work out and left, i was so fast asleep that his pounding around looking for gym shorts didn't wake me, and he had plenty of reasons to believe i might not wake up for days.) he pieced together my moaning, half-sentence attempts to tell him what had happened, apologized about 87 times, and helped me peel off my eye shields and put in my eye drops.

once we got my eye shields taped back on, i felt immediately better and ceased all the moaning and flopping around. Hubs stayed with me for a while until it was clear i was asleep again, and then brought in his Kindle, on which he had playing some soft music. Over the Rhine, to be exact. he knows me so well.

the next morning, i woke up at like 7 am. realizing that poor Hubs had probably been up till Lord knows what hour the night before playing with his various new technologies, i went back to sleep. eventually, it got to be about 8 o'clock, and i couldn't sleep anymore. i got up, peeled my eye shields off, and got to work putting in eye drops and brushing my teeth. i felt groggy, but not in the normal morning way. more like i wasn't tired anymore, but everything was sort of moving in slow-motion. it took me a while before i realized i could see.

to be continued... still... ha...

read part 1 here.

the long-awaited LASIK post, of course. (Part 1)

2011-01-19T11:49:00.000-06:00

it was in the midst of some serious document-writing blockage and a rush of feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of incredible content on the web that i realized i ought to harness all this nervous energy and finally tell you about my LASIK surgery. (i'm not shouting about it, by the way. LASIK is actually an acronym. for laser-assisted-something-something-something. i forget. but anyway.)

if you want the short version of the story, just know this: it went well! i'm still getting used to be able to see the bedroom ceiling at night, but altogether i think it was a worthwhile experience. so if you're on the fence, get saving your pennies, and just go through with it already. you won't regret it. probably.

long version? good. i was hoping you'd ask! like i said, i'm still getting used to the idea of being able to see. my vision isn't 100% perfect, but i've been told that my vision will probably fluctuate a lot for the next 4-6 weeks and then finally settle down. it's a little frustrating to not always be able to read the chalkboard at school (for lack of a better illustration), but i've been cleared to drive! which reminds me, i ought to try to make it to the DMV one of these days. (did you know, after you have LASIK, you have to have that vision correction thing removed from your driver's license?? crazy, i know.)

so here's the story, in as linear a fashion as i can muster. if you're curious about all the pre-op visits and requirements and goings on, you can write me individually. but it's all really not very exciting, so i'll skip that here.

instead, i'll start about a week before the surgery or so. one of the reasons i chose the LASIK center i did was because it was quiet, the staff seemed kind and personable, and their pre-op process was thorough. part of that pre-op process was a meeting with the surgeon, in which he was to explain everything that goes on on the day of surgery—all the sounds, sensations, smells (yes, smells)—so that there are no surprises. the aim is to get everyone's questions answered and to educate you enough on the process to ease much of the nervousness most people deal with going into the procedure.

i don't think there's ever been a single person before who came out of that meeting with a higher level of anxiety than what they went in with. leave it to me to pull that off.

so i spent the next few days fanning my flushed face, taking deep breaths and trying to convince myself that if i didn't calm down, i would likely pass out on the day of surgery, they wouldn't be able to complete the procedure, and i'd be blind for the rest of my life.

i decided to work on the morning of the day of my surgery, which wasn't a big deal as it wasn't scheduled until about 2 in the afternoon. it was actually kind of nice; you could say i had a bit of anxiety going into surgery, so working that day gave me a bit of a distraction from my obviously impending panic.

i hyperventilated all the way to the surgery center, which is luckily only about 10 minutes from my house. this wasn't helped by the fact that the office has this strange entry system that requires that you take an elevator to the second floor just to get to the reception desk. (if you know anything about my intense hatred of elevators, you would understand this did not improve my anxiety level.)

having finally made it to the desk, i signed in, and was so nervous that i missed initialing most of the blanks on my consent form, and the poor technician had to keep pointing them out to me. then i went to the bathroom again, just in case. then i hyperventilated in the waiting room until Hubs gave me his iPod so i could play Angry Birds. (Angry Birds never fails me.) before i could beat level 20, the technician came to get me, and led me down a hall to what seemed to be the staging area.

the staging area was a strange, tiny room with three plush leather recliners lined up diagonally, with hospital curtains in-between. a seemingly crabby, grandma-esque nurse sat me down and ran me through all the steps leading up to surgery. (i'm not sure why she seemed so crabby, it turned out she was actually very nice and nurturing, and was very reassuring when i wobbled out of surgery.) she gave me about a million eye drops of differing varieties, 5 mg of Valium, a long list of post-op instructions i was pretty confident i would not remember after surgery, and then told me to sit and read a magazine while they bought in another girl to prep and my Valium kicked in.

i don't know much about surgery, but Valium did not seem to be much more than a placebo. and considering my extreme suspicion of it going in, i don't think it helped me much at all. all i remember of realizing its effects was wildly fluctuating between emotional responses: one moment i'd be twitching and wiggling in my recliner, the next i'd be strangely calm, but still thinking obsessive, nervous thoughts.

the stack of magazines on the end table next to me held a Large Print edition of a magazine, which featured a cover piece titled something like "Doctors Confess Their Fatal Mistakes." it was super comforting, as you can imagine.

soon, an annoyed technician came and gave me more numbing eye drops and whisked me into surgery. i don't know why, but all my reactions seemed slow, and it was almost like i didn't have any depth perception. i can't tell if that was the effects of the drugs they gave me beforehand or my own neuroses catching up with me, but i do know that it made for an awfully awkward stumble into the surgery room.

the surgery room has two large machines, with a reclining, sort-of dentist-style chair in-between. they had previously explained that the first laser cuts the flap from your cornea, and the second does the correction work.

they got me wrangled onto the chair, put a kind of space-age foam pillow around my head to keep it in place, gave me an adorable teddy bear to hold on to for dear life, and swiveled me under the first machine. this was the part i had heard was uncomfortable. and it was: while your eye balls are numb, and you can't feel the laser doing its work, they have to use a strange sort-of suction cup on your eyeball to keep it in place. it's strange and uncomfortable to have vacuum pressure on your eyeball, but not painful. i was told, however, that i would lose my vision in the eye that was under the suction thing once they turned the suction on. i could still see the lights on the ceiling out the corner of my eye, and in a clumsy panic, told the doctor that. he assured me that it was okay, i might still be able to see a little around the edges. i didn't believe him, of course, but what choice did i have once they had my eyeball in a suction thing?

turns out the laser is seriously not a big deal. i was told i would be able to see the flap, and was worried that thinking about my eyeball flap would give me the willies and i would certainly pass out. but the flap-making portion of the surgery was actually pretty quick, the machine was silent, and i couldn't actually see what was going on.

to my relief, once they swiveled me out from under the first machine, they announced, "well, that was the hard part. the rest is easy." i was stunned. i think i gasped out something like "wow, really?! well that wasn't SO bad..." they put a bunch of drops in my eyes and swiveled me in place under the second machine.

this part was weird, i admit. the flap-making laser doesn't actually cut the flap free at first, it merely perforates the flap enough that the doctor can peel it back later. (i know, gross, i can't believe i'm writing this. *shudder*) it was at this point i think the Valium must have kicked in, because i didn't flinch at all while the doctor came at me with dental-looking metal tools and wiggled my eyeball around until he peeled back the flap. i think at the time i realized i should be really wigging out, but was so interested by what was going on, that i sort of forgot to freak out.

the next part was fun! they told me to stare at the blinking red light while they ran the second laser and it made machine-gun-like noises as it did the correction work on my eye. they had warned us at the meeting a week earlier that we might smell something similar to burning hair or plastic. "it might smell like you're on fire," the doctor explained. "you're not on fire, don't worry." it's because the laser literally vaporizes your extra eye tissue in order to reshape the cornea. so, in my strange Valium haze, while they worked the second laser, my thoughts frittered between frantic thoughts like, "FOCUS. FOCUS ON THE RED BLINKY THING. DON'T MOVE. DON'T MOVE." and, in a dreamy, slow voice in my head, "THEY'RE VAPORIZING ME! COOOOOOL...." it's true, this part of the surgery is completely painless. i could feel that the laser was working though; i could feel it in my teeth, like a cold, faintly buzzing feeling. i felt like i must be a cartoon x-ray of myself, it was awesome.

they told us that, depending on how severe your prescription was going in, they would need to do about 30 to 60 seconds of work on each eye. my right eye required 58 seconds of work. my left, 59.

to be continued...

tweet, tweet!

2011-01-11T18:10:00.000-06:00

well hello there, folks!

i'm writing from the other side of LASIK surgery, and all's well with the world. (well, not all. but all eye-related things, at the very least.) it's a little hazy over here, but surprisingly awesome! i'll be sure to write about that experience one of these days. i don't even have a good excuse not to have written it already. i tried to think of one, but meh. at this point, if you have high expectations of me, i'm very, very sorry. so. LASIK post to come, soon! ... ish!

in the meantime, i've succumbed to a little internet trend you might like to call Twitter. so far this Grandma has even managed to putter her way through a few Tweets! and for this, i'm awfully proud. so, if you like snark, socks or oatmeal, stop on by and join both my followers. three's a party or something, right?

tweet, tweet!

Winter Cleaning

2011-01-04T10:26:00.000-06:00

oh, the obligatory New Year's post. (as i write this, i realize that i managed to somehow avoid the obligatory Christmas post. whoops. here, read this one instead. it's way better, anyway.) lots of folks have written funny or inspiring New Year's reflections, but this one is so far my favorite. it lifts me out of this ridiculous tiredness i've been slothing through lately, and made me examine how i've sort of tumbled into this new year feeling very unprepared. blindsided, even.

we spent the weekend with my family, celebrating a rather quiet Christmas. it was wonderful, and in preparation the Hubs and i spent several days maniacally cleaning. it was sort of awesome, and i arose from the dust, as usual following these sorts of projects, with a fresh satisfaction with our house and our life. cleaning always feels like revival to me. or it could be, that in the little private revival i've been experiencing lately, that everything is tinged with a little extra hope.

i wish i could say i have only positive things to say about the year ahead, but the truth is, even in the midst of an exciting time of growth, i'm going in trapped in a very self-critical fog. so what you're about to experience is a bit of a year-in-review project, intended specifically to fix my focus and motivate healthy change. and my prayer is that that be our theme this year: change, as only God the Creator can implement. breaking unhealthy cycles, facilitating greater effectiveness, cultivating boldness, courage, wisdom and above all, love.

and so in that light, i give you this: a collection of significant happenings this past year, and perhaps a few goals for the coming year.

2010:
- 30 pounds lost. (5 pounds gained back. and this is according to the last weigh-in before the holidays. ugh.)
- more blog writing! this one, rather awkwardly, resulted in my Grandma printing out a seemingly well-loved, snack-related post and distributing it to the whole family at Christmas. yeah. so... Hello there, Family! Welcome to the blogosphere. wow, it sure got cozy in here fast, didn't it! ha ha... ha. (oh jeez.)
- first ski trip Out West. this was a humbling, and simultaneously thrilling, experience. this is when i start to think that perhaps the Rockies are God's country, just a little.
- running! in April, i began the Couch-to-5K running program, somewhat begrudgingly, and ended up falling in love with running, something i never dreamed would ever happen. this resulted in three 5k runs, all with varying degrees of success, and one super fun 4.5-mile Mud Run. all culminating in...
- stopping running! it would be unfair to dwell only on the excitement of running without acknowledging the struggles as well. in late September, i developed a foot injury and have begrudgingly benched myself since. this has proved to be an unending source of anxiety and dissatisfaction, forcing me not only to curb my workout plans, but also to wear only supportive footwear. i'm pretty sure the only suffering more horrifying in my life so far has been the lice i mysteriously contracted in college. this one hasn't made me cry or lose my mind or try to claw out of my own skin yet, but there has been much moaning and flopping around in a distressed fashion. for your sake, prayers for a speedier recovery!
- the Death of our Debt. no joke! as of spring of 2010, we are officially debt-free, not counting the mortgage on our house. we killed it all in a little under a year: 3 vehicle payments and several years' worth of student loans (we never carried credit card debt.) we're exceedingly grateful for Dave Ramsey's ministry in getting us started on a plan, something that, aside from getting us financially in order, has done amazing things for our marriage. if you plan on getting married anytime soon, don't be offended when you unwrap a copy of The Total Money Makeover from us. we know you think you don't need it; we thought that once, too. just read it. and then do it. you can thank us later.
- a new church home. this one has been tough for us. after moving to the Brookfield area, we loafed around for, oh, about a year or so before really getting serious about getting back into a community. not long ago i started to realize how much i missed it, and how much my heart ached for it. being ridiculous and cynical, finding a good church is always a horrible experience with us. but we're learning to love The Church, because Jesus does, and re-learning how to do this church thing all over again. it's usually humbling, but often rewarding; the distance has given me a more appreciative perspective, compared to the hater days of my youth. it's rare for me these days to actually feel like i'm surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, and i'm so excited at the chance to enjoy that, like new, all over again.

2011:
- greater productivity, more hard work.
- shorter blog posts. (sorry, guys. it's a problem i have.)
- a better marriage
- a healthier family
- a cleaner house
- a greater sense of urgency
- a more effective life, as evidenced by a smarter and more intentional use of my time and my money.

and now, in acknowledgment of the total lack of privacy and anonymity on the internet, i expect not just awkward encouragement, but also some serious grief from all of you, when i'm seriously slacking. go right ahead internet, BRING IT.

a salacious love affair.

2010-12-21T20:45:00.001-06:00

you guys, i'm in love.

this weekend, my love Michelle took me to The Most Wonderful Secret Place On Earth. i can guess what you're probably thinking, but just hold on a second. i like Michelle and all, and she has good hair. but it's not her i'm after. i'm more interested in something plush and squishy enough to toss on the floor and roll around in. something more like yards, and yards, and yards of yummy, delicious, chunky sweater knits! (hold the tears, she understands.)

anyway, while visiting The Most Wonderful Secret Place On Earth (yards and yards and yards!), i managed to just barely control myself and purchased only 1 yard each of two different yummy sweater knits, about a yard remnant of ivory jersey, and some Brazilian* zippers. (how many you ask? at least a Brazilian! HAHAHA. NEVER GETS OLD.) but back to the love story, let me tell you, this. stuff. is. scrum. diddly. umptious. no joke. (except for that one joke up there. HAHAHA.)

anyhow! it took a few days of sorting out our house before i could even access my sewing machine. [long, uninteresting story about floor cleaning kindly removed.] so the yummy sweater knits just sat there, forlornly, on the kitchen table, yearning to be used. day and night i thought about them, how carefully and gently i would usher them into their fully realized states. i snuck snuggles as often as i could, but couldn't wait to get the real magic started.

(... this is getting uncomfortable, isn't it?)

so ... long story short--i made something! in fact, I MADE TWO SOMETHINGS! (see, i had lofty dreams of turning this into a piece that might match its title. but mostly, i just really like to use the word "salacious," and Hubs is coming home soon from working out, and the dryer keeps re-tumbling the clothes again and again, and i haven't even thought about what to make for dinner. so. let's just pretend there was some really outrageously bad romance writing going on there with the fabric. or not. (you may not have to?))

so there you have it, i have indulged in completing two scarves. the first is a long infinity scarf, made from the first of the yummy sweater knits. it's super soft and has a sort of broad checked pattern knit into it. the second is a fat little cowl made from the other yummy sweater knit, which is thick, robust and flecked with pretty jewel tones. they took me a whopping half an hour, in sum, which is half the time it took me to clumsily take these photos myself. in my bathroom. at nighttime. go me.

Thing 1

also, you'll notice that i was so freakishly excited by my new, now-wearable sweater knits that i went ahead and took photos WITH MY GLASSES ON. most of you who have ever actually seen me in real life have probably not seen me in glasses since i was in my early awkward pre-pubescent phase. but the doctor told me if i didn't wear my glasses for at least 2 weeks he would refuse to give me Lasik surgery, and then i might end up decades in the future in these posts, in even uglier photos, with the same pair of yellowed, crooked glasses that i refuse to replace, having lost such hope that i've given up on things like hygiene and real waistbands. (these are already 8 years old. not looking too promising without some kind of surgery soon, folks.) so suffer we all will, for a time, but soon, there will be sight! i'll write about that, too, when the time comes. but right now i can't think about that; i'm sucking up all the oxygen in the room just trying to think happy thoughts and not being completely consumed with surgery-related panic.

Thing 2

and no, i'm not giving you the stink eye. that's just the way my face looks, promise. ♥

* the zippers aren't really from Brazil. i just couldn't resist the joke.

always late to the party.

2010-12-21T12:29:00.001-06:00

i realize i'm always the last one to figure these things out (yes, i'm still afraid of Twitter.)

but if you guys haven't already tried this site, you really should. coming from someone who's tragically and suddenly forgotten how to find good music, this is a lovely little buoy for your work day. or any other kind of day, for that matter.

http://www.ilistentoeverything.com

currently, i'm drinking in the Winter playlist. (duh.) ♥

you may say i'm a dreamer. (most would say i've lost my mind.)

2010-12-20T12:11:00.000-06:00

lately i've become fixated on the idea of commuting daily by bike. despite the fact that this would be incredibly impractical, considering my 15-mile one-way commute, i still spend far too much time studying the idea and thinking of ways i can somehow fuse this lifestyle with mine. after visiting in Munich this summer, i became obsessed, and even purchased a brandshinynew Electra Townie, named Cleo. cycling in the suburbs seems treacherous, but i'm determined to make a go of it someday. (even if Hubs does make fun of me and try to suggest new names for Cleo, like "Dusty.")

Cleo hates it.

meanwhile, my sister and i have had a running joke about her car inevitably breaking down and her employing bike transportation out of pure necessity. i've been sending lots of winter biking tips for her, mined from the wisdom of cycling community sites like Bike Fancy and Simply Bike.

then today, she sent me this video. GUYS. THIS IS HARDCORE. that is all.

Dear Running,

2010-12-17T12:52:00.001-06:00

Oh, how I miss you, so! I wish that you had not decided to wreck my plantar fascia, and that you took place on a much softer surface, like clouds, or maybe pillow-top mattresses.
Even though it is so very cold outside, I would like to be out there, testing my winter lungs and experiencing all your fullness and life.
Instead, I am here, inside. Stretching, resting, and stretching again. Getting fatter, out of shape.
Miss me much? Maybe next time you'll think twice about stressing out my arches.

Just a thought,
erin.

ps - don't make me replace you with swimming. it's a lot easier to drown in a pool than on the sidewalk.

the day trail mix kicked my derrière.

2010-12-14T13:56:00.001-06:00

recently, my Hubs and i were all snuggled into our living room with the gas stove on, blissed out on all-day football consumption and feeling pretty fat and sassy. we were a little low on the trail mix we like to make ourselves, so Hubs went to the kitchen to gather ingredients and mix up a big bowl's worth. he came back, arms loaded with supplies, what seemed like dozens of pounds worth of bagged Sam's Club loot: mixed nuts, pecans, walnuts, almonds, cashews, mixed dried fruits, Ghirardelli chocolate chips. and all of a sudden, i was breathless. "We are SO RICH."

the weight of our blessed lives nearly knocked me to the floor. trail mix? really? we don't even consider it food, really. good enough to stave off hunger for a half an hour while dinner's cooking, or as a little treat after lunch, sure. but what we consider a mere snack some people on this planet would kill for. sure, we might have nearly 6-year-old cell phones that don't even take photos. and we might mostly use hand-me-down computers. and we don't even have cable! but we have trail mix. and look at how much of it we have! bags and bags and bags of nourishment, and that doesn't even compare to what's in the rest of the kitchen.

it happens a lot that in times of suffering, the things we are so grateful for become so much more obvious. but sometimes we don't even need to experience times of little to be awakened to how much we're blessed.

this is going to bother a lot of you, i can tell already. the Hubs and i do alright on the income front, and we're very conscious of how blessed we've been with good jobs and a comfortable standard of living. lots of you are probably bitterly muttering, "duh." and i could probably go on and on about how everyone struggles with finances, regardless of their situation. how we have certainly had our share of challenges, and how we've worked very hard to handle our finances wisely and responsibly. how politicians have skewed the statistics in their favor, making divisive labels that prey on everyone's general dissatisfaction with how much money they have (or sometimes, their perception of how much money they have.) i could say all those things, but i'll spare you the defensiveness, that sort of attitude would muddy the waters.*

the point is, none of it is really ours. we're just managers of God's things. and just as He once trusted us with little, He's trusting us with more and more each day. and the responsibility of that has been heavy on my heart lately. so heavy. the scriptures are packed with reminders about the dangers of trusting in one's own wealth, and certainly those verses are never far from my mind. but more than anything, especially in the midst of this holiday season, i'm so thankful. for how we've been blessed materially, for the wisdom (not of ourselves) to be good stewards, for the things we're able to give others and in doing so, point to the God who made it all possible and who tells us to take care of each other. and i'm also supremely joyful that i've been given this opportunity to know how much we have, and to still be so, so thankful.

have you even been just knocked down by a reminder of all your blessings? ... or do i need to get out of my head and into the world a bit more often? ;)

♥

* Also, please do not receive any of this as boasting, for i have a healthy fear of God, and know that He has to say about these things. In Jeremiah, for example:

“Let not the wise boast of their wisdom
   or the strong boast of their strength
   or the rich boast of their riches,
²⁴ but let the one who boasts boast about this:
   that they have the understanding to know me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
   justice and righteousness on earth,
   for in these I delight.”

my husband hates Christmas.

2010-12-09T09:40:00.001-06:00

poor Hubs. although, to be fair, I have hated Christmas at times, too. and I'm not totally convinced it's the Christmas he hates, as much as there are many traditions and elements of celebrating the Christmas season that he feels must be endured.

but no worries--my sister and I are working hard to turn this unfortunate situation around. starting with a Christmas tree retrieval and decorating procedure that required only half hour (!!) of his time.

Check out THAT sweet Christmas action!

lots of people have syrupy stories of traveling each year, in the snow, with their families to saw down The Perfect Tree and spend all weekend baking cookies and singing Christmas carols and decorating the tree they've so lovingly picked out together. but my husband has an equal number of demoralizing and ridiculous stories, involving sap on the ceiling and lots of shouting. so maybe we got our tree for $15 at Menards. sue me.

at least this Christmas, there will be peace on Earth (in the Lindell house.) ♥

Extreme close-up

--- -- -

post script: i see now, after looking at these pictures more closely, that we seem to have more lights out on the tree than i realized. *sigh* baby steps, right? ;)

legwear. (obsessed much?)

2010-12-08T12:21:00.001-06:00

it's becoming an issue, people. suddenly all i can think about is covering myself in as many pairs of tights and socks i possibly can. most of the time, all at one time. you think i'm kidding? yesterday i wore some SmartWool ski socks over a pair of patterned footless tights, with some knee-high boots. and then, when i had to go to the store later, changed out of the boots and into running shoes. when i realized how silly i looked wearing a skirt and running shoes, i merely changed out of the skirt and into some baggy, olive cotton pants. OVER THE TIGHTS AND SOCKS. needless to say, i might have looked ridiculous in the x-ray line at the airport, but i was rather cozy all the way to Sam's Club. (guys, what a party! if you only knew how exciting my life is every day!)

and so, if the first step to solving something like this is to admit you have a problem, then fine: i clearly have some kind of problem. but if i learned anything from my triple-leg-layered experience last night, it's that if this is wrong, BABY I DON'T WANNA BE RIGHT.

and now, some very naughty lusting:


Nep Colorblock Tights by Hansel From Basel via Need Supply

Horse Bit Socks by In God We Trust, via Need Supply

Christmas Wish List

2010-12-02T14:03:00.002-06:00

It's that time of year, I suppose. I've already slaved and stressed over gift lists for both my mother and my mother-in-law, so why play this sad game of want-versus-get all over again? Easy: The Internet is a fun place to pretend!

As I've grown up a little, entered and then exited the corporate world of dress codes, and made significant changes to my body, I've had some time to redefine my wardrobe a bit. Or at least, think about redefining it. Many of you probably know that the Hubs and I keep a relatively tight budget; often, we would much rather stash away our extra cash for new windows or a roof for our 100-year-old house than throw money at something as fickle as fashion. But who doesn't love to dream? Plus, being an overwhelmingly visual person, I've always felt more comfortable in situations where things are pretty. Daydreaming about tweaks and adjustments to my daily look is like a happy little mind exercise I do to keep myself surrounded with aesthetically stimulating things and new, fresh ideas. Like a total phony, most of this wardrobe analysis and construction begins and end with this thought experiment. But who can afford the time and cash to attain complete wardrobe perfection? Not anyone I've ever heard of. (Not anyone who wasn't broke, anyhow.)

So let's play pretend: If time, money, and other important life priorities weren't an issue, what changes would we make to our everyday looks, and what pieces would we add to round a wardrobe and make it more cohesive? Here are some elements I've been wanting to add to my winter wardrobe lately. (Warning: Those prone to overwhelming retail lust may wish to duck out at this moment, or keep their debit cards put safely away, as the eye candy is about to begin!)

1) More Skirts.
I've had my eye on this stunner by Little Ocean for like, forevs. And though it's not currently in our budget, I'm always in favor of supporting local, handmade artists and craftspeople, and know a piece like this would be a wise wardrobe investment. Plus, look at those colors! *swoon*

Harvest Printed Linen Skirt by Little Ocean

2) Ankle-Height Moccasins. (Because you can never have too many moccasins, let's be real here.)

Vintage 1970's Minnetonka Leather Moccasins from Clever Nettle

These are already sold, and not to me, because I waffled and hesitated and ultimately wimped out. *whimper* But they do represent a look I've been toying with lately--the pale, neutral ankle boot silhouette. These have leather soles, which are not a good match for snow. They would also probably not fit even my skinny jeans inside, but a pair that would might just be the perfect winter substitute for my normally not-very-weather-proof Minnetonka Kilties.

3) More tights, please!

Image via Jen Loves Kev

I don't know who got the bright idea to make tights something that grown-ups can wear, but whoever they are, I think I need to spend more time in their presence. I think I used to hate tights as a kid, thinking they were scratchy, constricting and too warm. But since I work in some kind of Office Arctic tights have become my new best friend. They allow me to dress up more even as the weather gets colder, help transition many warm-weather dresses and skirts to be more wearable year-round, and keep me from wearing the same boring jeans to work every day till they stretch out and start sagging in the rear. Plus, with fun, exciting new colors like the ones Jen models above, and at price points that allow for a small (or rather large, in my case) collection, tights seem like a no-brainer.

4) Socks. The wooly-er, the better.
It's no secret that I'm much more fond of cold weather than our hot, humid Wisconsin summers. So it's probably no surprise that I've become completely obsessed with trying to wear as much clothing at one time as possible.

Gipsy Over The Knee Socks from ASOS

Tall, ribbed, cozy socks are only a natural extension of my compulsive layering addiction. My favorite variation lately has been to layer warm, scrunchy socks over tights with shorter skirts, as expertly modeled by Tania from What Would a Nerd Wear:

Image via What a Nerd Would Wear

(post-script: I totally wanted this grey lace skirt from Target in the WORST WAY. I unwisely hesitated, then it showed up on this style blog, and another (I don't remember which one now, sadly) in the course of a week and immediately sold out. BOO. I may try to replicate it as a DIY project; if I do, I'll let you know how it goes!)

5) Green. And I mean the color. (Remember when it was only a color? Aye, the good old days...)
I've been really craving rich, deep colors lately as the weather's gotten colder. Green is one I don't have enough of in my wardrobe. I'm hoping to finish a handbag I started last winter (ha! if only you knew how common this sort of behavior was!) that's made from an old, evergreen-colored wool jacket. In the meantime, I'm trying to add it in here and there where I can.

"Green"set from my Polyvore

All in all, I realize that to be unsatisfied with my wardrobe is sort of silly; I know I have more than I truly need. But a little virtual window shopping always gets me thinking, sometimes not even about shopping for new items, but about creating new combinations in my existing wardrobe or about crafting new pieces myself. And that sort of visualizing can't be all bad. ;) (PS - I don't really need any more projects clogging up my life, but maybe someday I might be brave enough to take this experimenting to the next level and try Kendi's 30 for 30 remix challenge!) ♥

just in time.

2010-11-25T16:40:00.001-06:00

alas, the Christmas shopping season draws nigh!

looking to get your Black Friday on? you're in luck -- i just dropped off two new howl. handbags this week at Carpe Diem!


Go Ahead, Take a Bow Cross-Body Bag	The Campus Tote

swing by during your shopping marathon on Friday and check out howl.'s brand new collection of leather headbands; that is, if they haven't sold out already yet! (so cute guys, srsly. i'm not even joking here.)

new howl. headbands!

locally handmade from reclaimed leathers, howl. handbags and accessories make thoughtful gifts, no matter the occasion. plus, the folks at Carpe Diem are ridiculously cool. a visit with them is always worth the drive. ♥

some times.

2010-11-20T13:25:00.001-06:00

occasionally, there might be a day, or series of days all in a miserable streak, where everything falls apart.

sometimes the sewing machine that has been happily and faithfully sewing through leather all its life decides it's like, SO over sewing through leather and you spend hours upon hours trying to gently coax it back into working properly.

sometimes, after the aforementioned stressful hours, you throw things in your sewing room.

sometimes, you decide to take a break from sewing to dye a bear suit for the children's Christmas pageant at church. YES, THAT'S IT, DYE THE BEAR SUIT. THAT WILL BE RELAXING AND SIMPLE.

sometimes you regretfully realize that you cannot reliably dye a bear suit all one color of brown for the children's Christmas pageant, and should probably never be depended upon to do anything important ever again.

sometimes your iPod battery dies in the car and you have to drive all the way to West Bend (read: North Pole), listening to music on the radio. (HORROR OF HORRORS.)

sometimes you spend your last $10 bill on tipping your lovely hair stylist, only to realize the donut shop only takes cash. (sometimes you hold up a line full of hungry octogenarians at the donut shop while you write out a check for $2.95. )

sometimes you wait in line for 20 minutes only to have Starbucks serve you poison, masquerading as a chai latte with a shot of espresso, and make it through a very difficult series of traffic obstacles before realizing it, only to have to turn around and complete the challenge all over again.

some times are just hard times.

sometimes, it's good to know that someone is for you, and not against you.

(song based on this.)

ya eat in the bathroom, ya eat with the devil.

2010-11-17T16:17:00.000-06:00

sometimes i worry that the lady in the next stall thinks that loud plastic wrapper i'm opening is some kind of yummy snack.

(for the record, it's not.)

note: Google image searches for "tampon" are horrible and scary. just trust me on this.

what to do when the camera is missing.

2010-11-15T12:43:00.000-06:00

1. completely fail at sewing all weekend, because who will even know if you finished those new bags or not?

2. borrow other peoples' photos.

i've had a number of things i've been wanting to post about, but keep putting them off because our camera has recently gone MIA. (is October still considered recent?) but folks, no worries: i think i has the solution. (what's with your grammar there, Homestar?)

with the seasons changing slightly, and my waistline feeling rather uncooperative after weeks nursing a foot injury, i'm in search once again for new and exciting recipes. but new and exciting recipes that i can make (and eat) entirely by myself, that prep and cook in a half hour or less, or maybe an hour while i'm noshing on a rather giant salad as my first course. (between the picky hubs and the Warrior diet, i'm kind of on my own here.) my search led me to Kalyn's Kitchen, a blog so consistently stocked with healthy, scrumptious-looking recipes i feel like i can hardly keep up. i soon compiled a list of bookmarked recipes so tall, it nearly rivals my fabric and leather stash. (ha. or maybe not.)

Winter Squash & Sausage With Herbs

deciding to finally put my ... uh, mouth, where my uh... mouth is, i tested out Kalyn's yummy-looking Squash and Sausage recipe last week. AND IT WAS YUMMY, INDEED. so yummy, in fact, that i proceeded to email it immediately to my mother, my sister and my two personal trainer friends. i stopped just short of posting it on Facebook and also immediately blogging about it; but as you can see, the yumminess eventually overruled my self-control in that area.

but one of Kalyn's latest posts has be wondering about branching out and trying something new: alternative greens. in a recent Thanksgiving-related post, a recipe for Spaghetti Squash with Chard caught my attention. i've eyed greens like chard and collards historically with heavy distrust. it's not that i don't like leafy greens; i eat them regularly and rather enjoy them, even cooked, which many people dislike. in fact, i managed to rustle up a pretty outstanding sauteed spinach for my mom's birthday recently. so perhaps my only real objection is simply that i've never used greens like these. and the unfamiliarity is a bit intimidating. but recipes like these and these greens' nutritional benefits make me wonder if i've been unfair.

Spaghetti Squash & Chard Gratin

how about you, do you cook with lesser-known greens like kale, chard, or collards? are they as scary as they seem? please feel free to share fast, easy and delightful recipes you've tried and loved. we'll see if this old cat can't try (and enjoy) something new yet.
____ ___ __ _

All images via Kalyn's Kitchen

10 words (on why I write)

2010-11-08T11:47:00.001-06:00

His mercies are new each morning—we must document allofit.

(go ahead and hate for the cheater word. but this was it, and i wasn't about to argue. for a short back story on why i chose to take on this little 10-word challenge, check this post out, and for a little extra context, read this.)

10 words - preview

2010-11-05T16:28:00.001-05:00

having been in a bit of a productivity rut lately, i found this challenge rather interesting. perhaps a chance to redefine why i started (and restarted) this silly weblog, and examine my intentions for it moving forward.

i don't have anything ready yet (will probably post when i have something, or become a fake plans liar), but in the meantime, figured i'd list. listing is something i apparently used to do early in my days of internet oversharing, and after having revisited some of that writing, i've realized how effective they were in summarizing what would normally eat up much more time (yours and mine). so here goes.

stellar:

- the Madison Mud Run. (very, very cold, but very, very worth it.)
- ribbed sweater tights
- being able to wear real shoes again, albeit with cushy insoles added.
- Halloween!
- Halloween candy
- Halloween being over, finally. (i work at a costume company. you don't even know...)
- running! again! oh, how i missed it.
- orchard apples
- Yogi Healthy Fasting tea. mmm...

less than stellar:

- politics. (at work, not in real life. the real life ones have been rather exciting lately!)
- plantar fasciitis
- Halloween candy
- gaining weight
- having to start working out again, after getting far too used to "resting" (read: laying around, whining.)
- hard things (that's what she said! ha!)
- earlier and earlier sunsets. (can't it just stay fall forever?)

and now, here's a dirty picture:

ha. fell for that one, didn't ya?

my first treasury!

2010-09-25T20:17:00.001-05:00

i was wondering why my traffic on the ol' etsy site was up this week: turns out i've been featured in a treasury!

w00t! first etsy treasury!

big thanks to Green Bridge Studio for spotting and including the U-Bag!

U-Bag, Earth, Wind & Fire Edition

and now, a few extra exclamation points, just for good measure: !!! !!!!! !

guys, i totally made something!

2010-09-21T12:07:00.001-05:00

if only you knew how little effort went into this project.

but anyhow, i'm always suffering harassment for not sharing things i've made, so i figured i'd post a few photos of a skirt i made recently, and how i wore it.

seriously, you have no idea how easy this was. in fact, cutting the skirt, piecing it together, and attaching the elastic waistband all together took less time than the hem alone. maybe because i insist on hand-sewing blind hems into every skirt i make. it's a thing i do, i can't help it.

i found the fabric at a thrift store, and was immediately smitten. its yummy floral pattern is perfect for this time of year and for the looks i've been loving lately. and then there was this fantastic, lightweight crinkly texture. bonus! i keep trying to think of other potential projects, but am a little afraid of being clothed entirely in this yummy, crinkly floral, and that eventually my usually unobservant coworkers might catch on.

i wore the skirt with an old, well-worn v-neck tee, one of many well-worn cardigans (it's FA-REEZING in my office) and my favorite taupey oxfords. i'm pretty sure i'm the only one who likes these shoes, but i'm always looking for clever ways to sneak them into my everyday looks.

i've also been recently inspired by a sort of blogging phenomenon called Wandering Wednesday. this day happened to be a Wednesday, so i snapped a quick photo to give it a little try. i'm hoping to be able to include more of these in the future...

this Wednesday was spent like a lot of my recent days: working, then hurrying home to soak up the last few hours of cool Autumn daylight. mmm... Fall. ♥

wilderness

2010-09-07T13:27:00.001-05:00

i've been so grateful and excited about the new crisp autumn weather! a retreat to wearing pants and real shoes. making hot chili and curling up in blankets. cool evening bonfires. tights with dresses. creamy squash soup.

and being the best time of year, you'd think i'd be giddy up to my gills. but i think busy-ness, striving, hard work and big decisions are taking their toll.

but then this morning i came across this on my favorite Mennonite cooking blog (okay, so my only. but also my favorite.) perfect, timely, true:

18 "Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19

how easily i lose my head sometimes.

so as the seasons change today, i'm throwing off all that hinders and toasting blue jeans, morning runs, salted caramel, future plans, and a God that never changes.

who's with me?


Lake Country 5k 2010

ps - the photo above was taken this Saturday, as my friend Katie and I started off on our first 5k together. we didn't quite hit our goals, but we did come pretty close, and we're looking forward to our next race!

shop's up--whatwhat!

2010-08-23T10:25:00.001-05:00

i'll keep it quick: hey folks, i got my stuff together and listed a few items in my shop. a few newbs (at least to the internet) and a few old faves that need to find homes to make room for even more newbs! big thanks to Michelle for helping me shoot fresh, new photos for this latest shop update!

ps it looks like i may have some space to breathe this weekend. hoping to spend most of it sewing new creations and listening to Sufjan's new ep nonstop. it's the simple things, really. ♥

Tag -- You're It.

2010-08-11T14:06:00.005-05:00

... which reminds me of that time we drove through the Sonic after watching the Olympics and they sort of forgot to give us half the order we paid for and we had to call the place when we got home, sadly clutching our 5 tots and 4 jalapeno poppers which we were left to share among roughly 5 adult human beings (seemed more like 12. 12 ravenous, adrenaline-hyped, fast-food-deprived adult human beings.) turns out the cashier who helped us out (more like gave us the Serious Sonic Shaft) was named Tag. that's right: T-A-G. just like where you look for the price on those overpriced sandals you've been salivating over. anyway, we explained what happened, they promised us two free double burgers, which we were free to pick up at our leisure. and remember to tell them that Tag was the one who screwed up the order. it was all Tag's fault. see? this is what happens when you give your children "unique" or "original" names. they end up getting fired after 12 ravenous, Olympic-watching freaks lose their composure after paying for tots they did not receive. (it sure seemed like 12, anyway. what, with all the weeping and gnashing of teeth.) poor Tag. (we got our free burgers though! HA. in your face, TAG.)

the point is, i've been meaning to post something interesting for a really long time. no really, i have. it's just that, well, i'm really, really, incredibly lazy. for example, i keep showing up dressed all pretty for work, and when my coworkers wonder what big new fancy job it must be that i'm interviewing for, i don't have the heart to tell them that i just couldn't be bothered to put on pants today, so considering this dress requires putting on only one piece of clothing, it seemed like a pretty good compromise.

my point being, blogging hasn't really been high on my priority list lately. my priority list, which of course includes: eating carbs i shouldn't, laying around watching Big Love, giving up on the flower beds, and trying to avoid the sweltering, jungle-like outside at every available opportunity.

so when Erin over at Luck&Bliss tagged me on this funny little questionnaire game, i figured, aw what the heck. it's not like i've got anything else to write about! (let's politely disregard the previously promised Popeye recipe and Things I Wore In Europe posts. no, srsly. i'll get to them someday, i swears.) so, in the name of Getting Moving Again, I thank you, Erin, for your sweet thoughfulness (you always come along and encourage me when I need it most!), forget all my normal resistance to silly internet games, and present you, my readers, with a little low-key entertainment. Enjoy!

1. Is there anything you feel nekkid without? (aside from clothes!) Okay, here we go, cheeseball right from the start. But honestly, my wedding ring. It's completely grungy because to go without it to have it cleaned kind of drives me insane. Plus, there's that whole Poor Memory problem of mine, which when combined with an absent wedding ring, causes panic attacks all day long.

2. Books, magazines, games, comics, pieces of art that made you who you are today? My Big Backyard, Reader's Digest. (I'm joking. Sort of.)

3. Monkey or Robot? in the words of my adorable Hubs, "... I want a MONKEYROBOT."

4. Food you make when the poop hits the fan? Do you cook/eat for comfort? hahaha cook for comfort?? Give me a DQ Blizzard with Snickers and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups any day of the week, and I'm a happy gal.

5. How did you meet your sweetie? Is it romantic? Folks, I'll never live this one down: We met at a Campus Crusade cookout the beginning of my sophomore year. I had just transferred there from a different school, so I could be closer to my boyfriend at the time. Hubs later told me he had been very much looking forward to finding out who this crazy girl might be that was dating that guy, and was very excited to meet me. I don't remember meeting him at all. I only remember meeting his roommate, Jake. (This would prove to be a sad theme throughout the rest of his college days.)

6. Do you have a life plan, or do you just sort of truck along? Maybe it's Dave Ramsey's fault, but I've lately adopted the (very grownup) mindset that having a plan is always better than not having a plan. But on second thought, I've always been a plan-maker and plan-needer (and fit-thrower-when-the-plan-is-abruptly-changed, but that's perhaps a post for another day,) to some extent, so having a goal, an eye on the future, and some rough estimate on how to best get there always makes me feel more together. Certainly there have been times where God has tested this area of my life, but I'm learning in my old age that the more my plans incorporate Godly principles and themes, the less he feels the need to give me a little poke. More than anything though, my husband and I are alike in our tendency to favor Things That Work, and so far, we have found that having a plan is definitely one of those things. (Now, if I could only apply this enthusiasm and planning to writing a blog! Just think!)

7. Would friends of the teenage you recognize the current you? Would you still get along? Oh, probably. Would we get along? Certainly. Although, I will say that in my old age, I have had more time to steep in my convictions and become more of the person all my friends probably suspected I was all along. (I really tried on the Tortured Young Writer look for a long time, but it's perhaps time to own up to my mostly Granny self. I had you fooled for a while there, though, right?! No? ... More eyeliner? Ok, nevermind.) I may have a tendency to attract people with many opposite opinions and completely different world views than mine, but even as I've become more rooted in my own beliefs, I've not lost the tenderness and affection I've always had for folks I should probably be fighting with. (But what are we fighting for, anyway? HA.)

8. Could you show me something pretty? Please? I stole this from S. of AcademicChic, via her new (and awesome!) bike blog, Simply Bike. (quickly becoming one of my faves!) she posted it among many other pretties recently; it's the prettiest thing i've seen in a long time!

Via a.pic.a.day

Next up in the silly 8-question game?

Some of my faves:

Michelle over at BoltedMKE, because she's clearly too cool for this nonsense.

Tejas, My Love, because well... The Love. It's overwhelming.

A kettlebell friend John, because he and his lovely lady Erin are always there with a Like on FB, and an encouraging note. (So many awesome Erins! I knew I picked this name for a reason...)

And last, but certainly not least, Sara at Cream City and Sugar, 'cause I dig her MKE style, yo. :)

I stole most of Erin's questions, because well, this post was getting to be a bother, really. ;)
Here you go:

1. Is there anything you feel nekkid without? (aside from clothes!)
2. Books, magazines, games, comics, pieces of art that made you who you are today?
3. Monkey or Robot?
4.Vice food? Be honest, now. (It's Fair Week up here in 'Sconsin, if you haven't eaten something disgusting by now, you're clearly in the minority.)
5. What blog do you secretly swoon over, but are afraid that if you came out of lurker status the writer of the blog would suddenly be completely freaked out and file a restraining order against you? (not telling mine, ha! okay, twist my arm, it's Dores. love her style, love her jewelry, love her minimalist posts!)
6. Is it appropriate to sign out of Facebook and pretend you didn't notice that that person you haven't talked to in 7 years just instant messaged you? Your thoughts...
7. What kind of bike are you: mountain bike, road bike, or city/cruiser?
8. What food or fitness item, concept or practice do you most rely on to keep you on track? Where do you turn when you need motivation? What can't you do without in your quest for better health? (okay, so that's a 3-parter. GUESS I'M NOT SO UNDERACHIEVING AFTER ALL, HUH??) ;)

at least cover your parts, you're going to work. (The Post Wherein I Go Back To The Real World)

2010-07-21T10:32:00.001-05:00

getting dressed in the morning has been something of a challenge, ever since returning from our family vacation to Bavaria a little over a week ago. in fact, most things have been something of a challenge. upon returning to work, which, by the way, was in the throes of what some might call a Deadline Crunch (and all the subsequent freakouts and meltdowns) i told my husband that i felt quite like Peter in Office Space, right after the hypnotism heart attack scene. everyone was running around as if there was some kind of unannounced fire drill not involving an ice cream truck, and there i was, in a delightful haze at my desk while twangy tropical music floated through my head. this first day back was followed by several mild temper tantrums, in which i, at least once, declared loudly that if i was not in Europe riding bikes in the mountains, well, then life just wasn't worth living.

needless to say, getting back to normal has been a bit of a challenge. but the deadline at work has passed, and i've had some time to reflect on this trip and forget, at least for a few minutes, that i probably ought to be Doing Something.

i have very little hesitation calling this My Best Trip Ever. (i considered it for a minute, knowing this would knock my High School Junior Year Band Trip to Hawaii out of first place, but then remembered the 10-hour sunburned flight home, and well, that was that.) and not to get all mushy on you, but i believe the reason this trip ranks so highly on my very short list of destinations is not merely the Currywurst, latte macchiatos or even the Sound of Music tour, but because we never stopped moving, not for a minute. we rode bikes along the river in Salzburg, hiked to the top of Kehlstein (or The Eagle's Nest, as we, the Allied, may remember it) and spent countless hours walking to and from our hotels and the charming city centers of each place we visited. and for the first time in my life, i did not even complain about how badly my feet hurt. (okay, so i did once, but i maintain that my father-in-law is responsible for promising a cab ride home and not delivering, even though the promised cab ride home was the reason i wore Those Heels in the first place.) but seriously. for the first time in my life, i was able to enjoy a vacation that wasn't centered around eating until The Ulcer came back and loafing around Doing Nothing. and i started to think, hey, maybe this is what living an active life is all about.

my most favorite part of Bavaria, especially Munich, was how active and fit everyone there was. i wasn't sure what to expect of Germany and Austria, not being really German or Austrian at all, but admittedly knew i wouldn't be surprised by a mass of burly, solid folks dressed in funny leather pants and carrying head-sized mugs of beer. and there definitely were head-sized mugs of beer, but rather than being delivered by buxom barmaids in lace-trimmed aprons, they were skillfully carried, 4 at a time, by seemingly very small but obviously quite strong 20-something girls. (!!) guys, these things were liter mugs of beer. made of heavy glass. FULL OF BEER. half the time, they tossed in a couple head-sized pretzels too, just to show off.

and we haven't even gotten to the bikes. oh! the bikes! everywhere you looked people were using bikes as transportation, rather than driving cars or scooters. sure, there were cars and scooters, but because Munich and Salzburg are so beautifully dense, using a bike to get from place to place really makes a lot of sense. and of course there was no shortage then of yummy bike eye candy. vintage cruisers, stylish new city bikes with all the bells and baskets, sleek road bikes jockeyed by even sleeker young Europeans. guys, it was as if i had died and gone to my very own personally-designed heaven. complete with Turkish food, strong coffee and functional fashion!

so it was no surprise that having realized the pitiful state of disrepair of my old hand-me-down, white-and-teal Trek road bike from the early 1990s just before our trip, that upon returning, we'd find ourselves salivating over new beauties in the local bike shop within mere days. and now, my friends, after a quick test drive and subsequent squealing, i am saving my pennies for this charmer:

while considering this hefty purchase, my husband asked, would i rather have a bicycle or a moped? "bike, duh." i replied. "i'd rather be active than merely have an alternate transportation to work."

... wait, I said that??

well, wouldn't ya know, i made something.

2010-06-30T12:40:00.000-05:00

too bad i don't have photos to show you yet. but i leave on Friday for Deutschland, and i'm hoping to gather enough pictures of my creations while we're there to provide you with a pretty peek into my very rare moment of productivity. new items may or may not include:

- brand new tote bag
- brand new cross-body bag
- brand new totally easy knit skirt
- brand new elastic waist skirt (yes, that kind everyone is crazy about. let me tell you: i now TOTALLY GET IT.)
- refashioned skirt made from and old pair of dress pants
- thrifted tank that needed mending after the stupid thrift store tag ripped a hole in it (staples? really. get with the times.)

but for now, i have a question or two to pose for our live audience.

first of all, has anyone ever traveled with sewing supplies? the last time i took a quick trip next door to Michigan, i left my emergency sewing kit and embroidery at home. but now that i'm likely to spend 16 hours on an airplane trying to distract myself from the complete and total terror of speeding over the ocean in a metal tube, i'd like to bring my happy toys along in my carry on. i've read on the TSA site that knitting needles, needlepoint items and some scissors are now allowed. has anyone tried to travel with items like this recently? how about the return flight from Germany? are they as strict with travel regulations as we are here? i welcome all informed thoughts and advice on the topic.

i want to be entertained, but i don't think i could live with myself if My Baby was ever confiscated at security:

photo courtesy of Amazon.com

my next question is for the craftiest of you. you see, a few weeks ago i was cleaning our bright white new kitchen sink with that handy spray cleaner, and about a half hour after admiring its gleaming wonderfulness, my husband casually asked "Hey, is that supposed to be there?" He pointed cavalierly at my favorite skirt, no, MY FAVORITE SKIRT, THE MOST FAVORITE, ALL-TIME FAVORITE, THE ONE THAT I HAD TO LOSE WEIGHT TO FIT INTO THAT FIT SO PERFECTLY FOR ONE WEEK BEFORE THIS DREADED DAY. and yes, i couldn't deny it: THERE WERE BLEACH STAINS. i cried. i'm not kidding. it might've been a slightly unstable day in general, but i wept like an overtired child who had just had his Huffy stolen from the bike rack at the local pool. no joke. of all the clothing i've ripped, altered or ruined over the years, this was BY FAR the most devastating. i don't think i'm still quite over it. anyhow, i've documented the carnage:

being a spry, developing refashionista, i've done a lot of thinking on this. my first thought was to merely shorten the skirt, make it a little sassier, and remove the problem altogether. but you'll notice that the cargo pockets sort of impede a process like that. (and who wants to walk around with amputated cargo pockets? i know i sure don't.) every online forum advises the use of some kind of wacky markers to color in the bleach spot. this sounds too much like puffy paint for my comfort. my thought now is to try to dye the skirt entirely, hoping to cover the bleach spot. i wouldn't even mind trying out a deep indigo-navy color, in fact. has anyone tried dying stained clothing before? how did it go? did the bleached out portion take the dye the same as the rest of the garment? i'm wondering if i'll need to strip the color of the entire skirt before beginning the dying process. my fear is weakening the fibers, but maybe there's a safe way to remove the current color before re-dying.

so with that, i'll leave you, Internet, to flood the comments section with your infinite wisdom.

my first race!

2010-06-24T09:37:00.000-05:00

yesterday, at roughly 3 pm, i got an invitation to run a 5k along the lakefront. my first race! in 4 hours.

"but i am so unprepared! i probably don't even have clean clothes!" i sure didn't, and i sure didn't have weather-appropriate clothes for the sweltering heat we've been suffering lately. i don't even own a pair of shorts. (or a cute running skirt. i gotta get one of those! so cute!) but i figured if i was going to do it, i might as well get tricked into it at the last minute, or i might never get around to it.

i had run about 2.75 miles the day before with my good friend Katie, in about 85-90 degree weather, mostly in the hot sun and wicked humidity. i figured i had run a 5k accidentally by myself one lovely Saturday, and this icky run only supported the idea that i could probably pull it off. The Hubs was SUPER supportive. he even came home, drove me to my friend Meagan's house to meet her on time to register for the race, crashed his computer and lost lots of important documents in the hurry to get out the door, stood around surrounded by bugs while we ran, awkwardly managed not to be the center of attention, and even remembered the camera when i had forgotten it! srsly guys, he is such a keeper. ♥

anyway! it was awesome! i ran really, really slowly. more slowly than usual even for me, more slowly than about half the participants over the age of 75, but i did it! and i felt pretty good about running the whole thing. even The Hill. even as i watched lots of people my age stop and walk along the way. even as side stitch kicked in at mile one, and i almost saw the whole thing slip away from me.

there was one woman along the route who was volunteering and cheering for us as we ran. she kept saying as people passed, "you're runners. that's what you are now." and as much as i am usually the one rolling my eyes at syrupy comments like that, this one really hit me. maybe it was the lack of oxygen getting to my brain, but that was so encouraging to hear. i was doing it! officially!

my friend Meagan, who spurred me on to race, even with so little notice, ran with me all the way. she, who has run marathons and triathlons and skis the top part of the mountain where the real lifts don't even go, stuck by my side the whole way. sharing stories about bad dates and awkward folks, keeping my mind occupied and my feet plodding along. and eventually the side stitch faded, The Hill was behind us, and it was all over! and i felt amazing! and i may have placed 600th out of 700-something, but now i have a time to beat! 34:02, to be exact.

"this is how it all starts," our friend Travis said to me as we got ready for the race. turns out he's right, i'm totally hooked! and i've already recruited a small army of first-timers and fellow runners to join me next time. i might even give them a whole day's notice first. :)

guess who sucks at blogging?

2010-06-17T12:49:00.000-05:00

hey now, let's not go pointing fingers.

but the truth is, i totally slacked on that previously promised Popeye recipe. i'll get to it, jeez. probably next week. maybe the following. ... we'll see where i can fit it in, between the work deadlines, self-made sewing deadlines, Father's Day, Jury Duty and packing for Germany. :)

in the meantime, i stumbled across this today. i haven't tried it yet, but i fully intend to (maybe sooner than i post that recipe for Popeye Salad, even! ha!) looks super yummy and refreshing.

Raw Brussels Sprout and Radish Salad

Big thanks to the folks at 30 Bucks a Week, you always have the most intriguing recipes! Can't wait to try this one.

celebrate good times, come on.

2010-06-16T10:39:00.002-05:00

so often i find so much inspiration in others' daily struggles and triumphs.

here, a recent bloggyfriend (with a snazzy name, i might add) is taking a second to celebrate a year of healthier living. i couldn't NOT take time out to give her props for all her hard work and obvious accomplishments. i mean, what kind of fellow striver would i be? GIANT congrats!!! to Erin of Luck & Bliss for a year well lived. keep kicking ass, sister!

and while we're at it, her enthusiasm and much-deserved self-props has reminded me that i hit a bit of a milestone this week as well. (and i didn't even share with you all--shame!) now, see how those green and orange lines cross below? yeah, that's my muscle mass kicking the flabby ass of my body fat percentage. it's true, i'm now officially more muscle than fat. things can only look up from here, right?

Operation Salvage Lunch: SUCCESS!

2010-06-11T06:00:00.014-05:00

we had a bit of a Diet Meltdown last night, folks. since starting this journey in November, i've developed a real Been There, Done That, Regretted It Later, Moved On mentality. some days are really good and people leave lots of happy comments ... and other days you try to make turkey burgers.

let me explain: i've had this plan of making turkey burgers for some time now. i've accumulated a small collection of recipes, ranging from Seemingly Bland to French Onion Soup Mix, Yum! but had yet to try any of them. while trying to consider the particular tastes of my current housemates (Husband and Sister. always teaming up against me. srsly all day long with the teaming up. against me.) i found a recipe that sounded pretty good: Skinny BBQ Turkey Burgers*! and to think, it was delivered directly to my inbox. by Jillian Michaels herself! i had decided it was fate. we were having Skinny BBQ Turkey Burgers that night.

folks, i've tried a lot of recipes in my time, some good, some mediocre, but not since The Great Botched Waffle Breakfast of 2006 have i experienced such total catastrophic kitchen failure. i'll spare you some of the gory details, but the night went something like this:

1. double the recipe, in order to use the whole 2.5-pound container of ground turkey purchased from Sam's Club. (i've gone over it and over it, and so far i'm pretty sure this is my only mistake. why we needed to use that whole container i have no idea. i blame it on post-workout brain.)
2. follow the recipe, completely and precisely.
3. comment that the burgers seem a little soft, maybe they need to be chilled.
4. 20 minutes or so pass, burgers are still more like ... lumps of pancake batter.
5. decide to try to grill pancake batter. FAIL.
6. move grilling surface indoors, to trusty electric pancake griddle.
...
fast forward through the next couple hours, wherein much crying, shouting, carmelizing, vague threats, comparisons to meatloaf and gagging ensues. 2.5 pounds of Skinny BBQ Turkey Burger Pieces (minus a small amount that was choked down) is thrown away, never to be spoken of again. ... okay, so i had to come clean first. then we'll never speak of this again.)
10. drive to mall, purchase Rocky Rococo's for Husband, Berry-Cabernet and Chocolate-Raspberry gelato for Sister, and Grapefruit-Sage and Pineapple gelato for me.
"but i thought you were on a sweets ban until you leave for Germany!"
HAVE YOU NO IDEA THE SKINNY BBQ HELL I'VE JUST BEEN THROUGH? BACK OFF.

ahhh... much better. so there you have it. win some, lose some, eh?

anyway, so considering i had planned on eating leftover Skinny BBQ Turkey Burgers for lunch the next day, and had no alternative lunch plan, i wisely boiled up a few eggs to tide me over for lunch and breakfast for the next few days. "i'll have a yummy Popeye Salad**," i told myself. (Note: This is a much toned-down representation of this event. Details such as crying, whining, gagging, self-pity and panic have been left out because the writer is in extreme denial about her ability to emotionally cope with The Diet.)

so when i got to lunchtime and realized the ingredients for said Popeye Salad were lacking, i did not panic, no. i IMPROVISED. (see! progress!) considering i only had a little bit of spinach left in the fridge, i figured we'd have to sway from the original salad concept and get creative. i was lucky to find one last remaining pita left. (they're these yummy whole grain Kangaroo pouchy things my dear friend Meagan told me about that you can get in the deli aisle. so yummy and only include a few very healthy ingredients. would highly recommend!) enter: the best lunch rescue idea to date. here's what i did:
1. chopped up 1 hard-boiled egg, tossed out half the yoke. mixed together with a little bit of cottage cheese and seasoned with pepper. voila--instant egg salad! (or at least close enough!)
2. stuffed pita with spinach, tomato slices and egg salad-like mixture.
3. served with baby carrots, cucumber slices and one big hot serving of HELL YEAH.

sometimes it's the little victories in life that keep us going, no?

____

* clearly, i would not recommend you use this recipe. i should have known, after reading the part where the recipe writer suggests sauteeing onions in the microwave. feel free to leave lots of nasty comments, though! (what? i'm not bitter. i swears...)
** recipe for Popeye Salad coming soon in this week's Salad of the Week feature! get pumped, it's a keeper! :)

happy birthday, Beage of My Life!

2010-06-10T09:53:00.001-05:00

yes, folks. today is the day my most favorite person in the world wiggled his way into existence, later to become the force he is to be reckoned with today. is there any greater cause for celebration? i submit that there is not!

if any of you know me at all, you must know, at least to a small degree, how ridiculously crazy i am for this man, what with this big, sturdy self, his yummy smell (while clean, of course) and duh, The Hair. but not only is he scrumptious and has the unanimous vote of my favorite hair salon as being The Guy Who Will Still Be Hot When He's Old and Gray (i prefer Regal), but he's also bright, witty, discerning and endlessly supportive of me and all my antics. like last night when he faithfully tried his best to grill what was, in short, the most disastrous attempt at turkey burgers in recorded history. AND THEN HE EVEN ATE A BITE. if any of you knew how persnickety he is about the foods he will allow into his body, you would realize what a remarkable sacrifice this was for him.

he's even taken to running with me lately, in my ridiculous quest to someday run a 5k. outdoors. i know, i know, it seems impossible. but with his encouragement and companionship, this has so far proved to be a pretty fun journey. and if his track record so far is any indication, have very high hopes for the future.

i'm so glad he was born, and perhaps even more glad he's chosen me as his partner and teammate. (how unworthy i feel sometimes!) i've never had a better friend.

happy birthday, my Sweet Beage! long may you run. ♥

even my sewing has become more athletic.

2010-06-02T10:26:00.000-05:00

i realized this last night as i was cutting fabric while standing. you see, the best area i have to cut fabric in my sewing area is on the floor, on one of those hard plastic mats people buy for their home offices for their rolly office chairs to roll around on, unencumbered by some pesky carpet. (ours was inherited from my inlaws, naturally, along with most other awesome items we own.) so last night i was trimming about 8 inches off the hem of a giant House on the Prairie skirt i was altering down to a cute, summery skirt. and as i cut and cut along my little chalk line, i realized i was not sitting or kneeling on the floor as usual, but standing, in Row or Wall Sit position, carefully slicing through my fabric as if this was of course the way most people cut their fabric. add this to the list of strange habits i've accumulated since starting to work out with Ryan and Meagan.

anyway! last night i finally let go of the safety, security and TV screen of my beloved treadmill and convinced my husband to go running with me. OUTSIDE. we did 2 miles plus a touch of warm-up and cool-down walking, and a couple minutes walking in between miles. it went pretty well, considering all the blisters and trickery. yeah, BLISTERS! i've never had blisters from running before, not ever, not even once. from hiking, maybe. or wearing shoes inappropriate for the occasion. but never from running. not even in my Not Running Shoes. but yesterday there were blisters. but nothing was quite as embarrassing as my sweet husband's challenge to improve my already quite impressive 12-minute mile (har har.) he was so encouraging! and ran with me all the way! pushing my pace, cheering me on. "we're at 7 minutes so far! i think you can finish this mile in under 10! let's do it!" and as i huffed and puffed and plodded up the final small hill and rounded the corner, i gasped "what's my time? what's my time?" "... *sigh*." "what? what is it?" he hung his head a little. "12 minutes."

for all you planning on signing up for a 5k race with me anytime in the future, keep this story in mind.

so in celebration of my very brave Running Outside, here's a peek at my food journal from yesterday. i had a pretty good day, considering it was the first day after a long weekend, which usually means i'm disorganized and not quite ready for the week ahead. i think it might have been because i felt so guilty for eating ALL THAT JALAPENO POPPER DIP on Memorial Day. i wasn't going to tell the internet about that, but my shame over eating something (SO MUCH of something) containing mayonnaise (horror of horrors!) took over and now it's too late.

6/1/10
Supplements: pro-biotics, post-workout recovery
Activity: ran 2 miles outside w/ Adam! walked for 2-3 mins between each mile

Meal 1:    oatmeal topped w/ cinnamon & 1 white peach, sliced
Meal 2:    banana
Meal 3:    OMG SO HUNGRY MUST HAVE MORE PROTEIN EARLY IN THE DAY. 1/2 leftover grilled, marinated chicken breast w/ avocado, romaine salad w/ tomatoes, red onion, cucumbers & balsamic vinaigrette
Meal 4:    almonds, carrots
Meal 5:    burger w/ feta, black bean salsa & avocado, huge romaine salad w/ tomatoes, cucumber, red onion & homemade healthy ranch dressing
Meal 6:    1/2 glass unsweetened chocolate almond milk

salad of the week - summahtime grilled chicken berry salad!

2010-05-28T00:00:00.064-05:00

ever wish there was a Polyvore for food?

anyway, my phone doesn't have a camera (*gasp* the horror! ... i know, i know) and the camera-camera seems to have a dead battery. so, put on your Imagination Hats, boys and girls—it's time for Lunchtime Make-Believe!

i'm always struggling with what to eat for lunch at work. i try to be frugal and not purchase lunch, especially since having to study nutrition facts and menus for healthy options tends to stress me out anyway. so i pack 4 meals each day that i consume sometime between leaving the house at 8 am and returning about 5. yes, 4. Four. the one that comes after 3. (that crazy lady using a 5-gallon reusable grocery bag as a "lunch box?" yeah that's me. ) anyway. because of its convenience and obvious nutritious perks, lunchtime often turns into salad time, which can honestly get downright boring sometimes. so i've decided to share some of the genius Salad Epiphanies i've had on my little journey, see if i can't help spice up your noontime hour. (sexy exciting times!)

last night, upon my husband's prompting, i included an extra chicken breast in our dinner preparations. that way i knew I could slice up the extra grilled chicken breast when we were finished and include it in my lunch plans for the next day or two. (see, i told you he was a smart one!) and since i was craving something yummy and sweet, full of vitamins, that would be refreshing in all this dang hot weather we've been having lately, this is what i came up with:

[pretend there is a heartbreakingly yummy Food Network-style picture of a carefully arranged salad here.]

The Summahtime Grilled Chicken Berry Salad!

this salad pulls inspiration from a number of my favorites*, but mostly just ended up being what it was based on what resources i had at the time.
here's how you make your own:

Ingredients:
baby spinach (or other healthy greens, i just really like spinach)
1/2 grilled chicken breast, cut into bite-sized pieces
2 large, ripe strawberries (a handful of blueberries would also be yummy.)
pre-made balsamic vinaigrette (I use Roundy's. otherwise, plain balsamic vinegar and EVOO will work just fine)
roasted, lightly salted pumpkin seeds

The MashUp:
1. plop a couple handfuls of spinach on the plate. it's spinach, you really can't have too much.
2. slice strawberries and lay them in a pretty pile on top
3. warm chicken slices in microwave for a little while, plop those on top, too.
4. drizzle vinaigrette over top lightly (honestly, i would've preferred plain balsamic & EVOO in this salad, as i tend to really like to crank up the balsamic since it's so yummy with the berries. but i was at work, and this is supposed to be one of those make-at-work, fuss-free recipes, right? a lovely raspberry vinaigrette would've been very good also. i use one Roundy's makes that's pretty tasty.)
5. sprinkle a few pumpkin seeds on top. (okay, full disclosure: i didn't have actually have pumpkin seeds with me at work, so for a little extra nutty crunch i added a sprinkling of flax seeds and spent the whole meal wishing i really had some pumpkin seeds. but yay for Omega 3s!)
6. scarf. loudly, if possible. your coworkers are probably wondering where that vinegar smell is coming from, anyway. might as well nosh away and remove all doubt.

hope you enjoy! what's next week's salad, you ask? we fly by the seat of our pants here, folks. your guess is as good as mine!

*Note: this makes a lovely, light side salad for any entree if you halve the portion and omit the grilled chicken. (the chicken, however, makes a great source of protein and makes this salad more of a lunch entree.) goes great with steak, salmon... oh heck, anything! srsly, i eat it all the time, you don't even know.

make believe makes the world go 'round

2010-05-26T00:00:00.000-05:00

sometimes i play tricks on myself in order to go on living, blissfully unaware that i'm restricting my intake of certain foods i used to indulge in often, and eating almost exclusively Healthy Things. i consider this a measure required for maintaining (relative) sanity in the midst of some major growing (shrinking?) pains. sort of like trying to get to the grocery store without having to drive past either Dairy Queen or Kopp's. (IMPOSSIBLE!)

anyway. one of these sneak tactics i like to call Fake Deviled Eggs. i get sick of eggs pretty fast, considering they make up my breakfast at least 3-4 days a week. you laugh, but deviled eggs make me happy, and pretending you're having a yummy holiday appetizer is way more fun that eating Another Stinky Egg Breakfast at your desk. i felt it was about time i let you all in on this dirty little secret, so here you go. my recipe for You Can Buy Morning Happiness, As It Turns Out:

Ingredients:
2 eggs (i like Eggland's Best. ps they're cheaper at Sam's Club.)
few spoonfuls of 1% cottage cheese (KEMPS IS KING.)

Hard boil the eggs (make lots and lots all at once if you want. i do, i'm lazy and like to plan ahead.)
Bring them to work in a little baggy, or container of your choice. Peel the shells off the eggs and split them open length-wise. Dump out 1 and 1/2 of the yolks. Srsly, just get rid of them, you don't even need them. Dump out remaining 1/2 yolk onto a plate. Spoon a couple lumps of yummy Kemp's 1% cottage cheese (can you believe i'm not getting paid for this??) onto the plate. Smash yolk into cottage cheese until the color is consistently yellow and sunshiny throughout. Fill egg white halves with cottage cheese-yolk mixture. Top with pepper or that red stuff (paprika?) if you're feeling fancy. Proceed to make a big sloppy mess at your desk, but hey, no one else gets in for another 20 minutes, so who cares anyway. Pairs well with black coffee (or tea, for you coffee haters) and a few fresh berries.

Image courtesy of wikipedia.org.

"If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee the fridge space?"

listening to...

2010-05-25T12:57:00.002-05:00

i made some adjustments to my most recent iPod playlist, and i'm pretty happy with the mix so far today.
here's a sneakypeek (click image for more detail):

good one, Del.

2010-05-24T09:50:00.001-05:00

i've been noticing a trend lately in life, and our good friend Del Tackett hit it right on the head in this recent blog post.

you all know by now about my journey to a fitter, healthier life, but we've been working on some other improvements in tandem with The Fat to Fit Project. a while back we decided to get a little crazy about our finances. (more like crazy awesome than crazy uh-oh!) we hopped on Dave Ramsey's baby steps to a Total Money Makeover and are currently debt-free, except for the house. it took months and months of discipline, drive, communication, and not having lives, but the freedom and peace we've gained from it have been so completely worth it. we're now working on saving several months' expenses as an emergency fund. soon we'll be able to save for home improvement projects, invest in our future and live within our means without the stress and fear involved with being in debt.

i say all this to express my excitement at how much of my life has taken on a "run the race" quality. and although i heard that phrase over and over growing up, i think until you work at something, really work and strain and strive, and see the benefits of all that hard work, you can't really know what it all means. and as much as i've been able to blow off all the hokey "and then you get to the mountaintop" metaphors i've endured in my life, i have to say, there may be something to this slow-and-steady idea. almost like someone really, really smart designed things to work best this way...

the oatmeal chronicles

2010-05-21T09:48:00.003-05:00

it was brought to my attention by an old friend that i spend the vast majority of my facebook statuses and other public forums reflecting on food. things i eat, things i want to eat, things i really shouldn't have eaten. this is not exactly news to me; i've been very open and frank about the fact that all i think about and do all day is graze and then think about what i can shove in my face next. but before you go getting all judgmental on me, let me tell you a story.

in November of this year, my friend Ryan put me up to a challenge. see, he's a certified personal trainer, kettlebell instructor, and all-around way healthier than at least 95% of the general population of the United States, i'm pretty sure. and, as i'm learning now, when you've found the secret to success in making the food work for you, you get really evangelistic and want to make everyone hop on board with you. so for YEARS Ryan has been on our cases to make healthier choices. my husband and i being two folks who enjoy pizza, nachos and wine more than we really care for, say, carrots, this was a hard sell. but i had had it with my weight gain, my out-of-shapeness, and my general pestering feeling that Something Must Be Done. so i took him up on his challenge, started eating on a diet plan he had been working with, and ramped up my workouts to 3-4 nights a week at his studio. AND THE REST IS HISTORY. (i've always wanted to say that.)

so here's how the story ends, or in the case of this blog, begins: GUESS WHAT, THE SILLY DIET PLAN WORKED. because it wasn't really a diet, so much as it was a kick start to train my body to want healthier things and function more efficiently. and because that night as we watched Ryan shovel platefuls of salad, chicken fingers and enchiladas down his trap (and burn ALL the calories from that! right there in front of us!) and considered his offer for a better life, that night proved to be a life-changer for me.

people at work have started to comment on how i have lost quite a bit of weight. some of my Fat Day clothes stopped fitting, and then some of the more Regular Day clothes, and now i've gotten to the point where my clothes i desperately hung onto from College When I Was Thin, THOSE CLOTHES DON'T REALLY FIT ANYMORE EITHER. i still have a ways to go before i meet my goals, and refuse to buy any new clothes in the meantime, but i'm going to go ahead right now and say that whatever change Ryan has encouraged here is not so shabby.

and the compliments are nice, they're scary and uncomfortable and really exciting all at the same time. but as i've started to make changes in my own life and "get it," i've felt a great responsibility to all the people i love to spread The Gospel of Good Health. so i try to lead by example. i try to maintain my healthy eating habits even with friends and family whose eating habits are anything but good. i try to introduce new foods to them, and help them learn that healthy eating can taste good, make you feel good and overall be just as enjoyable as that giant pile of cinnamon rolls paired with spicy sausage. (mmm... spicy sausage.) and for a long time it has been a struggle. it's been a fight over every meal, usually inside my head, whether or not to stick to the plan or to indulge in a little harmless cheating just to get along with the inlaws (or whoever, for that matter. it seems every office pot luck and family get-together is clouded with ample opportunities to Screw This Up.)

And then the other day, it happened. After a trip to Michigan to visit my husband's parents for Mother's Day, he got his message from his mother via Skype:

Tell Erin she changed our lives! Dad grilled talipia and asparagus and we were too hungry to wait for her fries but we had a nuked sweet potato. wehad abottle of Riesling in your honor. It was wonderful1
from mom

You'll be kind enough to forgive her typos, she's still learning Technology. (they were too cute to leave out.)

But THIS, my friends, THIS makes all the hard work worth it. THIS is why Ryan worked so hard to wean us off our garbage diet and herd us, like stubborn cats, into a better way of living. i hope he's proud of his Little Projects. he really should be.

so in tribute to the people who have made such a difference in my life, and in celebration of My Temple and how i've finally learned to honor it, and to share with others my experience (successes and Total Fails, of course) i now, today, on the Twenty-First Day of May, 2010, dedicate this blog to these things as well.

i realized recently that my intention with this forum was first to advertise my tiny budding handbag "business," and then more broadly, to share in a community of Crafters and Sewers on the Internet. but then i never posted. anything. sometimes i didn't even make things! thus the total lack of posting. really, the blog turned out to be pretty representative of that area of my life, because NOTHING WAS GETTING DONE. and while that's changing and i'm starting to pick up more projects and actually complete them (shocking), i've had to admit recently that all i really ever do with my time is Work, Work Out and Eat. and if i'm going to have a blog based, even loosely, on my life, why not focus on the things that my life consists of? this was, of course, my husband's idea. i love that man. he smells good... but anyway, if this turns out to suck, take it up with him. did i mention he's 6'4"? and crazy. just sayin'.

so here's the plan: i write about what's going on. short (or sometimes very long) little reflections on Food, Fitness, Fashion or Fabric. but no things that start with letters other than F. ... ok, kidding! lots of things. i no longer plan on restricting this forum to Things That Might Make Me Seem Cooler, and instead just throw it all out there. i guarantee, it's not as salacious as it sounds. but if you're lucky, i might even toss in an entry from my food diary for you, to boot.

10-minute jeans refashion!

2010-03-14T22:23:00.000-05:00

minutes before leaving for our Colorado ski trip, I discovered I'd lost 20 pounds (you can see how this might catch a person off-guard, of course) and suddenly my everyday jeans sagged around my waist, causing me to perform what I like to call the Very Attractive Pants Hike Maneuver more frequently than anyone would've liked.

so naturally, I altered them to fit. in 10 minutes. no big deal.
actually, it was pretty easy. here's the Official Tutorial:

1. pinch the back of your waistband until the jeans fit comfortably, creating a V-shaped flap of excess fabric.
2. place a pin at each edge of the V and measure the width. then divide that measurement in 2. because you have two side seams, duh. that's the size of the pinch you'll take in on each hip.
3. turn jeans inside-out, pinch side seams and take in the required (previously guesstimated) amount, tapering your seam down until you near the top of that pesky little rivet everyone likes to put at the corner of the front pocket.
4. finish seams, turn jeans right-side-out, and look sooo good.

here's a poorly photographed example of what your finished seam should look like. (sort of.)

check out the difference! (yes, i own two pairs of the same jeans in the same size. don't pretend you don't do this, too.)

voila!

letting the days go by...

2010-03-11T16:29:00.000-06:00

it's been a Talking Heads kind of week. or couple of weeks.

1.
i signed up for Wardrobe Refashion -- a 4-month pledge! only problem is it started on March 1st and I was in Colorado skiing until the 5th. and have spent the last week or so recovering from that trip. oh, boo hoo, i know.
one of these days i'll get a grip, make my grand introduction, and post photos of my very first *official* refashions. patience, my child.

2.
i MUST find a pattern for a dress just like this. or at least sort of like this. i even have piles and piles of vintage denim just laying around waiting for an opportunity like this. any suggestions/tips/tricks?

Image courtsey of Alloy.com

in honor of Daniela

2010-02-17T15:04:00.000-06:00

in Wisconsin, we suffer at the hands of a rather cruel annual weather pattern which causes unending fashion strife. putting together a wardrobe that is stylish, practical and versatile has become my holy grail, and is probably the source of my alert hunter-gatherer neuroses. (not that explaining this will relieve my poor hubs' distress.)

in the spirit of the new Wardrobe Refashion pledge i've recently taken (to officially start in a couple of weeks), i've begun building a make-believe wardrobe to keep shopping cravings at bay. because i simply cannot keep these brilliant discoveries to myself (or wear them out to show them off, duh) i'll share them here.

_ ___ _

i remember thinking my mom was a big mean dork for making me wear thick cable-knit tights under everything i wore from october through may. i'm only a wee bit embarassed to see she may have been onto something.

"what did you guys do for Valentine's day?"

2010-02-16T13:12:00.001-06:00

Images via http://www.brewcitybruisers.com

It was very romantic. <3 <3

be still, my fluttering heart!

2010-02-02T16:24:00.002-06:00

it's... it's... it's just too perfect!

Jack & Marjorie Alcott Tote
photo via www.beklina.com

i think i feel a knock-off coming on...!

(just as soon as i get all those other projects [dress refashion, sweater refashion, custom clutch order, cover for wedge pillow...] done. *ahem*)

went to the store for apples and bread.

2010-01-26T09:13:00.003-06:00

came back with:

- 4 oranges
- 5 tangerines
- 1 6-oz. container of "priced for quick sale" raspberries
- 2 containers of pre-cut carrot sticks
- 1 loaf of bread
- 1 8-oz. jar of sundried tomatoes

one of these days i'll master the art that is The Errand.

want, need.

2010-01-20T09:47:00.002-06:00

cannot in my wildest dreams possibly afford.

but a girl can dream, right?

in other, less depressing, news...

2010-01-18T12:03:00.003-06:00

while i've been busy losing my phone, unwittingly running it over with the car, fretting over the whereabouts of said phone and grieving its pathetic little state of being, i've also (quite thankfully) been fed, inspired and encouraged by the following (hope you enjoy!):

she's a G.D.B. (and that's why i luuuv her.)

had to forgo the delicious corn tortillas in the name of self-improvement, but this was remarkably tasty, nonetheless.

one of the more articulate and hopeful responses i've seen so far to that one earthquake everyone's been talking about.

i'm pretty tough, right?

found a new way to spruce up the old... (uh what's that room called again?) snore room. soon to be awesome room. will share pictures if i ever decide to commit to it. (here's a clue: don't hold your breath. )

and finally...

i don't know what i'd do if i didn't have these folks to kick my wide ass every day of the dang week. (actually, i do, and it may or may not involve obscene quantities of nacho cheese.)

can now only receive incoming calls

2010-01-18T09:18:00.002-06:00

but be warned - i will not know who you are. or be able to call you back if i miss your call. most of the next couple of days will be spent persistently muttering "VOICE COMMAND... CALL MOM..."

see, told you i'd use more pictures this year.

b@lls to the w@ll.

2010-01-14T12:20:00.003-06:00

New Year's Resolution:

Be bold.
Live on deadline, stop wasting time.
Show no fear. (though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,)
Work hard.
Love harder.
Wear really good shoes.
Reach fighting weight, then fight.
Focus.

Post on blog more than once every six months. Include images.
...