on strangeness and disappointment.

after a too-short, but moderately productive, weekend i thought i ought to wrap up some business. you may (or most likely, may not) remember a tiny bomb i dropped in the middle of this post, not too far back. the comment i made was about the disappointment i've felt about this pregnancy so far, and while i was trying to downplay my whining, i did not realize it would perhaps cause concern for some readers (who, you know, read the things i write. silly me!) anyway, it dawned on me, after having attended 2 birthing classes so far, that i was perhaps not alone in this feeling. but at the same time, no one seems to really discuss many of the negative feelings associated with pregnancy. it's all diaper pails and coordinated bedding and fancy strollers, with the occasional mention of an annoying pregnancy symptom or discomfort. at least, that's the majority of what i've come across, given my limited vantage point.

that said, the following is perhaps a more articulated (i hope?) explanation of some of the less rosy side of pregnancy, at least as i've experienced it so far. this is not, nor do i wish for it to be, merely a list of gripes, or a not-so-subtle way of trying to fish compliments or empty encouragements from the masses. i'd just like, for once, to be honest about how things have gone so far, with how my expectations measured up with reality, with the hope that someone else might feel the same way and would be encouraged to know that they are not alone. also, it should be noted that all i'm about to disclose does not represent the majority of my feelings about pregnancy; in fact, i've had a rather delightful time of it. so while i struggle from time to time with regrets and anxieties, please know that i'm actually feeling quite wonderful about the whole process. it's been mysterious and captivating to be host to the creation of a new little person, and i've loved every minute of the experience from that perspective.

all that being what it is, i'm surprisingly content with our current situation. in fact, i've been happier throughout this pregnancy than i've been in a long time. not that i was unhappy prior to this, but there's just something about the expectation of new life that makes the human heart glad, i think. i'm feeling more in love with my sweet Husband than ever, for example, during a time i expected to be rather difficult and full of painful adjustments for us both. he, of course, has been wonderful through it all, and it's clearer to me every day how i simply could not do this without him. the more time passes, the more convinced i become that having his baby is the best idea i've ever had!

so what am i so disappointed about? in short, i had BIG PLANS for this pregnancy. i had been anticipating being pregnant for some time (something like 10 minutes... but felt very long to very-impatient me) and had lots of expectations. maybe they were foolish, but as dreamers do, dream i most certainly did. and worse--I MADE PLANS. i read articles, blogs, books about how to stay healthy and fit throughout pregnancy. i started running again (sort of, if you count twice as "started again".) i gathered advice from friends and family about the medical aspects of pregnancy, timelines for preparations, you name it. and then! ... i actually got pregnant.

still feeling young and optimistic, around week 20

for the first few weeks, i was merely slightly uncomfortable, but whatever bloated discomfort i faced was easily overshadowed by my intense worry and glee. the Husband and i were both pretty giddy about the whole idea; having finally pulled the trigger on this whole "family" idea was overwhelming, but mostly at that point just plain fun. but soon The First Trimester started. and soon i found myself overwhelmingly nauseous and outrageously exhausted. for weeks 8 through about 16 or so, my couch had never seen so much of me and my flower beds had never seen so little. i was down for the count, and it was NOT pretty. so there went my plans. just like that! just like i said they wouldn't. for i had MADE PLANS, you see. BIG PLANS. for running through the first trimester! for maintaining a healthy diet, plus or minus perhaps a couple small tweaks to account for cravings and foods rich in healthy, life-giving fats and calories! for sewing, for cleaning, for crafty preparations galore! but all. i did. was lay there. for 2. long. months. "i'll get back to that in the second trimester," i told myself. "i'll be feeling better then."

and feel better i did. just better enough to become more busy than i ever imagined. was pregnancy supposed to be this busy? why did i suddenly no longer have time for daily workouts? trips to the grocery store? laundry? dishes? where did all my time go? i've spent more time reflecting on this than i probably should, and i still don't have any answers. i'm not sure how it is i did not expect pregnancy to be as busy as, say, wedding planning. i suppose i expected to be busy during pregnancy, but i think i was picturing something more ... productive. instead, we suddenly found ourselves in a whirlwind of appointments, busy work schedules, overly ambitious home improvement projects and very little else. all our routine went out the window, and along with it our healthy eating habits, our regular workouts and our ability to keep our house even remotely clean. by the time i felt like i had time to breathe, i realized i had missed several months of regular workouts and no longer remembered what to even buy from the grocery store, much less what it is we used to eat or how i ever had time to cook dinner.

to be a little more brief, i've been terribly disappointed with how things have gone with this pregnancy. not because pregnancy has been awful or because the struggles and discomforts outweigh the happy parts (that's certainly not even close to true.) but because i once considered myself a routine-driven, capable, disciplined person. and suddenly i am seemingly none of those things. (on that note, please do not send me messages trying to tell me otherwise. you have not been at my house for the last few months to witness the carnage, you're going to have to trust me on this. plus, that is not the point here, i thought i mentioned that earlier.) realizing all of this has been difficult for me, to say the least. looking around, it doesn't seem like any other pregnant moms-to-be have so much trouble keeping it together. most of them appear clean, dressed and healthy. i think i even saw some of them eating vegetables.

so while most of this pregnancy has been thick with anticipation, adventure and delight, i can't shake the feeling that i should have done better. that i should have tried harder, that i should have maybe even tried a little. it scares me a little, moving toward such a drastic transformative life change that i feel as if i've lost all control. my only hope is that this time has given me some new perspective. or at least that it has given me a break between my life before and what my life is about to become. like a fresh start, i can pick up and start all over again. and this time, instead of changing routines, i'll merely start anew. so i suppose there's some hope built into this feeling of disappointment. a clear vision of what my life might be without a little structure, and a healthy helping of humility to spur me on.

atrophy

i have a friend, she writes beautiful words. some of her recent words read like a script in my head. these are the lines i've spoken, the dance i've done.

since an injury last summer, i haven't been as active as i would have liked. i can feel that my body has gotten softer, changed shape. my clothes don't fit. what i see in the mirror doesn't match the body in my head, i feel like i don't belong in my own skin. i can see evidence in places where muscle definition used to exist, but what's there now seems unfamiliar. the landscape has changed, and i don't know where i am.

workouts are harder, leave me stiff and sore for days. i am remembering what this feels like, relearning how to move, how to stand, how to breathe. i am surprised to find myself slower, weaker, less flexible.

i get the same feeling when i haven't been in the Bible as much as i would like. i forget things, i lose focus. like He calls my name, reaches for me, but His hand only barely brushes my sleeve as i breeze through the door. later on, i wonder why He didn't fight harder for me. i accuse Him, i shift the blame. but He was always in pursuit; i was the one who got distracted, who turned and walked away.

now, back in that wonderful book, i am starting to recognize some things. the words sound familiar, their message feels like nourishment to brittle bones, sore muscles, a weak heart. i see signposts everywhere--my handwriting in the margins, well-worn pages, notes from friends, evidences that i once knew this place. i lived here once, this was my home. it doesn't feel like that yet, it still seems new, but already it feels so much better than where i've been. like the softness of your own sheets after a long week away.

Paul says "I beat my body, and make it a slave, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." it's a picture of discipline so purposeful, so complete. a subtle warning against laziness and apathy, a reminder to keep our eyes fixed on the goal. to run with purpose. to persevere.

Winter Cleaning

oh, the obligatory New Year's post. (as i write this, i realize that i managed to somehow avoid the obligatory Christmas post. whoops. here, read this one instead. it's way better, anyway.) lots of folks have written funny or inspiring New Year's reflections, but this one is so far my favorite. it lifts me out of this ridiculous tiredness i've been slothing through lately, and made me examine how i've sort of tumbled into this new year feeling very unprepared. blindsided, even.

we spent the weekend with my family, celebrating a rather quiet Christmas. it was wonderful, and in preparation the Hubs and i spent several days maniacally cleaning. it was sort of awesome, and i arose from the dust, as usual following these sorts of projects, with a fresh satisfaction with our house and our life. cleaning always feels like revival to me. or it could be, that in the little private revival i've been experiencing lately, that everything is tinged with a little extra hope.

i wish i could say i have only positive things to say about the year ahead, but the truth is, even in the midst of an exciting time of growth, i'm going in trapped in a very self-critical fog. so what you're about to experience is a bit of a year-in-review project, intended specifically to fix my focus and motivate healthy change. and my prayer is that that be our theme this year: change, as only God the Creator can implement. breaking unhealthy cycles, facilitating greater effectiveness, cultivating boldness, courage, wisdom and above all, love.

and so in that light, i give you this: a collection of significant happenings this past year, and perhaps a few goals for the coming year.

2010:
- 30 pounds lost. (5 pounds gained back. and this is according to the last weigh-in before the holidays. ugh.)
- more blog writing! this one, rather awkwardly, resulted in my Grandma printing out a seemingly well-loved, snack-related post and distributing it to the whole family at Christmas. yeah. so... Hello there, Family! Welcome to the blogosphere. wow, it sure got cozy in here fast, didn't it! ha ha... ha. (oh jeez.)
- first ski trip Out West. this was a humbling, and simultaneously thrilling, experience. this is when i start to think that perhaps the Rockies are God's country, just a little.
- running! in April, i began the Couch-to-5K running program, somewhat begrudgingly, and ended up falling in love with running, something i never dreamed would ever happen. this resulted in three 5k runs, all with varying degrees of success, and one super fun 4.5-mile Mud Run. all culminating in...
- stopping running! it would be unfair to dwell only on the excitement of running without acknowledging the struggles as well. in late September, i developed a foot injury and have begrudgingly benched myself since. this has proved to be an unending source of anxiety and dissatisfaction, forcing me not only to curb my workout plans, but also to wear only supportive footwear. i'm pretty sure the only suffering more horrifying in my life so far has been the lice i mysteriously contracted in college. this one hasn't made me cry or lose my mind or try to claw out of my own skin yet, but there has been much moaning and flopping around in a distressed fashion. for your sake, prayers for a speedier recovery!
- the Death of our Debt. no joke! as of spring of 2010, we are officially debt-free, not counting the mortgage on our house. we killed it all in a little under a year: 3 vehicle payments and several years' worth of student loans (we never carried credit card debt.) we're exceedingly grateful for Dave Ramsey's ministry in getting us started on a plan, something that, aside from getting us financially in order, has done amazing things for our marriage. if you plan on getting married anytime soon, don't be offended when you unwrap a copy of The Total Money Makeover from us. we know you think you don't need it; we thought that once, too. just read it. and then do it. you can thank us later.
- a new church home. this one has been tough for us. after moving to the Brookfield area, we loafed around for, oh, about a year or so before really getting serious about getting back into a community. not long ago i started to realize how much i missed it, and how much my heart ached for it. being ridiculous and cynical, finding a good church is always a horrible experience with us. but we're learning to love The Church, because Jesus does, and re-learning how to do this church thing all over again. it's usually humbling, but often rewarding; the distance has given me a more appreciative perspective, compared to the hater days of my youth. it's rare for me these days to actually feel like i'm surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, and i'm so excited at the chance to enjoy that, like new, all over again.

2011: 
- greater productivity, more hard work.
- shorter blog posts. (sorry, guys. it's a problem i have.)
- a better marriage
- a healthier family
- a cleaner house
- a greater sense of urgency
- a more effective life, as evidenced by a smarter and more intentional use of my time and my money.

and now, in acknowledgment of the total lack of privacy and anonymity on the internet, i expect not just awkward encouragement, but also some serious grief from all of you, when i'm seriously slacking. go right ahead internet, BRING IT.

what to do when the camera is missing.

1. completely fail at sewing all weekend, because who will even know if you finished those new bags or not?

2. borrow other peoples' photos.

i've had a number of things i've been wanting to post about, but keep putting them off because our camera has recently gone MIA. (is October still considered recent?) but folks, no worries: i think i has the solution. (what's with your grammar there, Homestar?)

with the seasons changing slightly, and my waistline feeling rather uncooperative after weeks nursing a foot injury, i'm in search once again for new and exciting recipes. but new and exciting recipes that i can make (and eat) entirely by myself, that prep and cook in a half hour or less, or maybe an hour while i'm noshing on a rather giant salad as my first course. (between the picky hubs and the Warrior diet, i'm kind of on my own here.) my search led me to Kalyn's Kitchen, a blog so consistently stocked with healthy, scrumptious-looking recipes i feel like i can hardly keep up. i soon compiled a list of bookmarked recipes so tall, it nearly rivals my fabric and leather stash. (ha. or maybe not.)

Winter Squash & Sausage With Herbs

deciding to finally put my ... uh, mouth, where my uh... mouth is, i tested out Kalyn's yummy-looking Squash and Sausage recipe last week. AND IT WAS YUMMY, INDEED. so yummy, in fact, that i proceeded to email it immediately to my mother, my sister and my two personal trainer friends. i stopped just short of posting it on Facebook and also immediately blogging about it; but as you can see, the yumminess eventually overruled my self-control in that area.

but one of Kalyn's latest posts has be wondering about branching out and trying something new: alternative greens. in a recent Thanksgiving-related post, a recipe for Spaghetti Squash with Chard caught my attention. i've eyed greens like chard and collards historically with heavy distrust. it's not that i don't like leafy greens; i eat them regularly and rather enjoy them, even cooked, which many people dislike. in fact, i managed to rustle up a pretty outstanding sauteed spinach for my mom's birthday recently. so perhaps my only real objection is simply that i've never used greens like these. and the unfamiliarity is a bit intimidating. but recipes like these and these greens' nutritional benefits make me wonder if i've been unfair.

Spaghetti Squash & Chard Gratin

how about you, do you cook with lesser-known greens like kale, chard, or collards? are they as scary as they seem? please feel free to share fast, easy and delightful recipes you've tried and loved. we'll see if this old cat can't try (and enjoy) something new yet.
____ ___ __ _ 

All images via Kalyn's Kitchen

at least cover your parts, you're going to work. (The Post Wherein I Go Back To The Real World)

getting dressed in the morning has been something of a challenge, ever since returning from our family vacation to Bavaria a little over a week ago. in fact, most things have been something of a challenge. upon returning to work, which, by the way, was in the throes of what some might call a Deadline Crunch (and all the subsequent freakouts and meltdowns) i told my husband that i felt quite like Peter in Office Space, right after the hypnotism heart attack scene. everyone was running around as if there was some kind of unannounced fire drill not involving an ice cream truck, and there i was, in a delightful haze at my desk while twangy tropical music floated through my head. this first day back was followed by several mild temper tantrums, in which i, at least once, declared loudly that if i was not in Europe riding bikes in the mountains, well, then life just wasn't worth living.

needless to say, getting back to normal has been a bit of a challenge. but the deadline at work has passed, and i've had some time to reflect on this trip and forget, at least for a few minutes, that i probably ought to be Doing Something.

i have very little hesitation calling this My Best Trip Ever. (i considered it for a minute, knowing this would knock my High School Junior Year Band Trip to Hawaii out of first place, but then remembered the 10-hour sunburned flight home, and well, that was that.) and not to get all mushy on you, but i believe the reason this trip ranks so highly on my very short list of destinations is not merely the Currywurst, latte macchiatos or even the Sound of Music tour, but because we never stopped moving, not for a minute. we rode bikes along the river in Salzburg, hiked to the top of Kehlstein (or The Eagle's Nest, as we, the Allied, may remember it) and spent countless hours walking to and from our hotels and the charming city centers of each place we visited. and for the first time in my life, i did not even complain about how badly my feet hurt. (okay, so i did once, but i maintain that my father-in-law is responsible for promising a cab ride home and not delivering, even though the promised cab ride home was the reason i wore Those Heels in the first place.) but seriously. for the first time in my life, i was able to enjoy a vacation that wasn't centered around eating until The Ulcer came back and loafing around Doing Nothing. and i started to think, hey, maybe this is what living an active life is all about.

my most favorite part of Bavaria, especially Munich, was how active and fit everyone there was. i wasn't sure what to expect of Germany and Austria, not being really German or Austrian at all, but admittedly knew i wouldn't be surprised by a mass of burly, solid folks dressed in funny leather pants and carrying head-sized mugs of beer. and there definitely were head-sized mugs of beer, but rather than being delivered by buxom barmaids in lace-trimmed aprons, they were skillfully carried, 4 at a time, by seemingly very small but obviously quite strong 20-something girls. (!!) guys, these things were liter mugs of beer. made of heavy glass. FULL OF BEER. half the time, they tossed in a couple head-sized pretzels too, just to show off.

and we haven't even gotten to the bikes. oh! the bikes! everywhere you looked people were using bikes as transportation, rather than driving cars or scooters. sure, there were cars and scooters, but because Munich and Salzburg are so beautifully dense, using a bike to get from place to place really makes a lot of sense. and of course there was no shortage then of yummy bike eye candy. vintage cruisers, stylish new city bikes with all the bells and baskets, sleek road bikes jockeyed by even sleeker young Europeans. guys, it was as if i had died and gone to my very own personally-designed heaven. complete with Turkish food, strong coffee and functional fashion!

so it was no surprise that having realized the pitiful state of disrepair of my old hand-me-down, white-and-teal Trek road bike from the early 1990s just before our trip, that upon returning, we'd find ourselves salivating over new beauties in the local bike shop within mere days. and now, my friends, after a quick test drive and subsequent squealing, i am saving my pennies for this charmer:

while considering this hefty purchase, my husband asked, would i rather have a bicycle or a moped? "bike, duh." i replied. "i'd rather be active than merely have an alternate transportation to work."

... wait, I said that??

Operation Salvage Lunch: SUCCESS!

we had a bit of a Diet Meltdown last night, folks. since starting this journey in November, i've developed a real Been There, Done That, Regretted It Later, Moved On mentality. some days are really good and people leave lots of happy comments ... and other days you try to make turkey burgers.

let me explain: i've had this plan of making turkey burgers for some time now. i've accumulated a small collection of recipes, ranging from Seemingly Bland to French Onion Soup Mix, Yum! but had yet to try any of them. while trying to consider the particular tastes of my current housemates (Husband and Sister. always teaming up against me. srsly all day long with the teaming up. against me.) i found a recipe that sounded pretty good: Skinny BBQ Turkey Burgers*! and to think, it was delivered directly to my inbox. by Jillian Michaels herself! i had decided it was fate. we were having Skinny BBQ Turkey Burgers that night.

folks, i've tried a lot of recipes in my time, some good, some mediocre, but not since The Great Botched Waffle Breakfast of 2006 have i experienced such total catastrophic kitchen failure. i'll spare you some of the gory details, but the night went something like this:

1. double the recipe, in order to use the whole 2.5-pound container of ground turkey purchased from Sam's Club. (i've gone over it and over it, and so far i'm pretty sure this is my only mistake. why we needed to use that whole container i have no idea. i blame it on post-workout brain.)
2. follow the recipe, completely and precisely.
3. comment that the burgers seem a little soft, maybe they need to be chilled.
4. 20 minutes or so pass, burgers are still more like ... lumps of pancake batter.
5. decide to try to grill pancake batter. FAIL.
6. move grilling surface indoors, to trusty electric pancake griddle.
...
fast forward through the next couple hours, wherein much crying, shouting, carmelizing, vague threats, comparisons to meatloaf and gagging ensues. 2.5 pounds of Skinny BBQ Turkey Burger Pieces (minus a small amount that was choked down) is thrown away, never to be spoken of again. ... okay, so i had to come clean first. then we'll never speak of this again.)
10. drive to mall, purchase Rocky Rococo's for Husband, Berry-Cabernet and Chocolate-Raspberry gelato for Sister, and Grapefruit-Sage and Pineapple gelato for me.
"but i thought you were on a sweets ban until you leave for Germany!"
HAVE YOU NO IDEA THE SKINNY BBQ HELL I'VE JUST BEEN THROUGH? BACK OFF.

ahhh... much better. so there you have it. win some, lose some, eh?

anyway, so considering i had planned on eating leftover Skinny BBQ Turkey Burgers for lunch the next day, and had no alternative lunch plan, i wisely boiled up a few eggs to tide me over for lunch and breakfast for the next few days. "i'll have a yummy Popeye Salad**," i told myself. (Note: This is a much toned-down representation of this event. Details such as crying, whining, gagging, self-pity and panic have been left out because the writer is in extreme denial about her ability to emotionally cope with The Diet.)

so when i got to lunchtime and realized the ingredients for said Popeye Salad were lacking, i did not panic, no. i IMPROVISED. (see! progress!) considering i only had a little bit of spinach left in the fridge, i figured we'd have to sway from the original salad concept and get creative. i was lucky to find one last remaining pita left. (they're these yummy whole grain Kangaroo pouchy things my dear friend Meagan told me about that you can get in the deli aisle. so yummy and only include a few very healthy ingredients. would highly recommend!) enter: the best lunch rescue idea to date. here's what i did:
1. chopped up 1 hard-boiled egg, tossed out half the yoke. mixed together with a little bit of cottage cheese and seasoned with pepper. voila--instant egg salad! (or at least close enough!)
2. stuffed pita with spinach, tomato slices and egg salad-like mixture.
3. served with baby carrots, cucumber slices and one big hot serving of HELL YEAH.

sometimes it's the little victories in life that keep us going, no?

____

* clearly, i would not recommend you use this recipe. i should have known, after reading the part where the recipe writer suggests sauteeing onions in the microwave. feel free to leave lots of nasty comments, though! (what? i'm not bitter. i swears...)
** recipe for Popeye Salad coming soon in this week's Salad of the Week feature! get pumped, it's a keeper! :)

even my sewing has become more athletic.

i realized this last night as i was cutting fabric while standing. you see, the best area i have to cut fabric in my sewing area is on the floor, on one of those hard plastic mats people buy for their home offices for their rolly office chairs to roll around on, unencumbered by some pesky carpet. (ours was inherited from my inlaws, naturally, along with most other awesome items we own.) so last night i was trimming about 8 inches off the hem of a giant House on the Prairie skirt i was altering down to a cute, summery skirt. and as i cut and cut along my little chalk line, i realized i was not sitting or kneeling on the floor as usual, but standing, in Row or Wall Sit position, carefully slicing through my fabric as if this was of course the way most people cut their fabric. add this to the list of strange habits i've accumulated since starting to work out with Ryan and Meagan.

anyway! last night i finally let go of the safety, security and TV screen of my beloved treadmill and convinced my husband to go running with me. OUTSIDE. we did 2 miles plus a touch of warm-up and cool-down walking, and a couple minutes walking in between miles. it went pretty well, considering all the blisters and trickery. yeah, BLISTERS! i've never had blisters from running before, not ever, not even once. from hiking, maybe. or wearing shoes inappropriate for the occasion. but never from running. not even in my Not Running Shoes. but yesterday there were blisters. but nothing was quite as embarrassing as my sweet husband's challenge to improve my already quite impressive 12-minute mile (har har.) he was so encouraging! and ran with me all the way! pushing my pace, cheering me on. "we're at 7 minutes so far! i think you can finish this mile in under 10! let's do it!" and as i huffed and puffed and plodded up the final small hill and rounded the corner, i gasped "what's my time? what's my time?" "... *sigh*." "what? what is it?" he hung his head a little. "12 minutes."

for all you planning on signing up for a 5k race with me anytime in the future, keep this story in mind.

so in celebration of my very brave Running Outside, here's a peek at my food journal from yesterday. i had  a pretty good day, considering it was the first day after a long weekend, which usually means i'm disorganized and not quite ready for the week ahead. i think it might have been because i felt so guilty for eating ALL THAT JALAPENO POPPER DIP on Memorial Day. i wasn't going to tell the internet about that, but my shame over eating something (SO MUCH of something) containing mayonnaise (horror of horrors!) took over and now it's too late.

6/1/10
Supplements: pro-biotics, post-workout recovery
Activity: ran 2 miles outside w/ Adam! walked for 2-3 mins between each mile

Meal 1:    oatmeal topped w/ cinnamon & 1 white peach, sliced
Meal 2:    banana
Meal 3:    OMG SO HUNGRY MUST HAVE MORE PROTEIN EARLY IN THE DAY. 1/2 leftover grilled, marinated chicken breast w/ avocado, romaine salad w/ tomatoes, red onion, cucumbers & balsamic vinaigrette
Meal 4:    almonds, carrots
Meal 5:    burger w/ feta, black bean salsa & avocado, huge romaine salad w/ tomatoes, cucumber, red onion & homemade healthy ranch dressing
Meal 6:    1/2 glass unsweetened chocolate almond milk

salad of the week - summahtime grilled chicken berry salad!

ever wish there was a Polyvore for food?

anyway, my phone doesn't have a camera (*gasp* the horror! ... i know, i know) and the camera-camera seems to have a dead battery. so, put on your Imagination Hats, boys and girls—it's time for Lunchtime Make-Believe!

i'm always struggling with what to eat for lunch at work. i try to be frugal and not purchase lunch, especially since having to study nutrition facts and menus for healthy options tends to stress me out anyway. so i pack 4 meals each day that i consume sometime between leaving the house at 8 am and returning about 5. yes, 4. Four. the one that comes after 3. (that crazy lady using a 5-gallon reusable grocery bag as a "lunch box?" yeah that's me. )  anyway. because of its convenience and obvious nutritious perks, lunchtime often turns into salad time, which can honestly get downright boring sometimes. so i've decided to share some of the genius Salad Epiphanies i've had on my little journey, see if i can't help spice up your noontime hour. (sexy exciting times!)

last night, upon my husband's prompting, i included an extra chicken breast in our dinner preparations. that way i knew I could slice up the extra grilled chicken breast when we were finished and include it in my lunch plans for the next day or two. (see, i told you he was a smart one!) and since i was craving something yummy and sweet, full of vitamins, that would be refreshing in all this dang hot weather we've been having lately, this is what i came up with:

[pretend there is a heartbreakingly yummy Food Network-style picture of a carefully arranged salad here.]

The Summahtime Grilled Chicken Berry Salad!

this salad pulls inspiration from a number of my favorites*, but mostly just ended up being what it was based on what resources i had at the time.
here's how you make your own:

Ingredients:
baby spinach (or other healthy greens, i just really like spinach)
1/2 grilled chicken breast, cut into bite-sized pieces
2 large, ripe strawberries (a handful of blueberries would also be yummy.)
pre-made balsamic vinaigrette (I use Roundy's. otherwise, plain balsamic vinegar and EVOO will work just fine)
roasted, lightly salted pumpkin seeds

The MashUp:
1. plop a couple handfuls of spinach on the plate. it's spinach, you really can't have too much.
2. slice strawberries and lay them in a pretty pile on top
3. warm chicken slices in microwave for a little while, plop those on top, too.
4. drizzle vinaigrette over top lightly (honestly, i would've preferred plain balsamic & EVOO in this salad, as i tend to really like to crank up the balsamic since it's so yummy with the berries. but i was at work, and this is supposed to be one of those make-at-work, fuss-free recipes, right? a lovely raspberry vinaigrette would've been very good also. i use one Roundy's makes that's pretty tasty.)
5. sprinkle a few pumpkin seeds on top. (okay, full disclosure: i didn't have actually have pumpkin seeds with me at work, so for a little extra nutty crunch i added a sprinkling of flax seeds and spent the whole meal wishing i really had some pumpkin seeds. but yay for Omega 3s!)
6. scarf. loudly, if possible. your coworkers are probably wondering where that vinegar smell is coming from, anyway. might as well nosh away and remove all doubt.

hope you enjoy! what's next week's salad, you ask? we fly by the seat of our pants here, folks. your guess is as good as mine!

*Note: this makes a lovely, light side salad for any entree if you halve the portion and omit the grilled chicken. (the chicken, however, makes a great source of protein and makes this salad more of a lunch entree.) goes great with steak, salmon... oh heck, anything! srsly, i eat it all the time, you don't even know.

make believe makes the world go 'round

sometimes i play tricks on myself in order to go on living, blissfully unaware that i'm restricting my intake of certain foods i used to indulge in often, and eating almost exclusively Healthy Things. i consider this a measure required for maintaining (relative) sanity in the midst of some major growing (shrinking?) pains. sort of like trying to get to the grocery store without having to drive past either Dairy Queen or Kopp's. (IMPOSSIBLE!)

anyway. one of these sneak tactics i like to call Fake Deviled Eggs. i get sick of eggs pretty fast, considering they make up my breakfast at least 3-4 days a week. you laugh, but deviled eggs make me happy, and pretending you're having a yummy holiday appetizer is way more fun that eating Another Stinky Egg Breakfast at your desk. i felt it was about time i let you all in on this dirty little secret, so here you go. my recipe for You Can Buy Morning Happiness, As It Turns Out:

Ingredients:
2 eggs (i like Eggland's Best. ps they're cheaper at Sam's Club.)
few spoonfuls of 1% cottage cheese (KEMPS IS KING.)

Hard boil the eggs (make lots and lots all at once if you want. i do, i'm lazy and like to plan ahead.)
Bring them to work in a little baggy, or container of your choice. Peel the shells off the eggs and split them open length-wise. Dump out 1 and 1/2 of the yolks. Srsly, just get rid of them, you don't even need them. Dump out remaining 1/2 yolk onto a plate. Spoon a couple lumps of yummy Kemp's 1% cottage cheese (can you believe i'm not getting paid for this??) onto the plate. Smash yolk into cottage cheese until the color is consistently yellow and sunshiny throughout. Fill egg white halves with cottage cheese-yolk mixture. Top with pepper or that red stuff (paprika?) if you're feeling fancy. Proceed to make a big sloppy mess at your desk, but hey, no one else gets in for another 20 minutes, so who cares anyway. Pairs well with black coffee (or tea, for you coffee haters) and a few fresh berries.

Image courtesy of wikipedia.org. 

"If I wanted to bring a large number of deviled eggs, but I didn't want to share them with anyone else, can you guarantee the fridge space?"

the oatmeal chronicles

it was brought to my attention by an old friend that i spend the vast majority of my facebook statuses and other public forums reflecting on food. things i eat, things i want to eat, things i really shouldn't have eaten. this is not exactly news to me; i've been very open and frank about the fact that all i think about and do all day is graze and then think about what i can shove in my face next. but before you go getting all judgmental on me, let me tell you a story.

in November of this year, my friend Ryan put me up to a challenge. see, he's a certified personal trainer, kettlebell instructor, and all-around way healthier than at least 95% of the general population of the United States, i'm pretty sure. and, as i'm learning now, when you've found the secret to success in making the food work for you, you get really evangelistic and want to make everyone hop on board with you. so for YEARS Ryan has been on our cases to make healthier choices. my husband and i being two folks who enjoy pizza, nachos and wine more than we really care for, say, carrots, this was a hard sell. but i had had it with my weight gain, my out-of-shapeness, and my general pestering feeling that Something Must Be Done. so i took him up on his challenge, started eating on a diet plan he had been working with, and ramped up my workouts to 3-4 nights a week at his studio. AND THE REST IS HISTORY. (i've always wanted to say that.)

so here's how the story ends, or in the case of this blog, begins: GUESS WHAT, THE SILLY DIET PLAN WORKED. because it wasn't really a diet, so much as it was a kick start to train my body to want healthier things and function more efficiently. and because that night as we watched Ryan shovel platefuls of salad, chicken fingers and enchiladas down his trap (and burn ALL the calories from that! right there in front of us!) and considered his offer for a better life, that night proved to be a life-changer for me.

people at work have started to comment on how i have lost quite a bit of weight. some of my Fat Day clothes stopped fitting, and then some of the more Regular Day clothes, and now i've gotten to the point where my clothes i desperately hung onto from College When I Was Thin, THOSE CLOTHES DON'T REALLY FIT ANYMORE EITHER. i still have a ways to go before i meet my goals, and refuse to buy any new clothes in the meantime, but i'm going to go ahead right now and say that whatever change Ryan has encouraged here is not so shabby.

and the compliments are nice, they're scary and uncomfortable and really exciting all at the same time. but as i've started to make changes in my own life and "get it," i've felt a great responsibility to all the people i love to spread The Gospel of Good Health. so i try to lead by example. i try to maintain my healthy eating habits even with friends and family whose eating habits are anything but good. i try to introduce new foods to them, and help them learn that healthy eating can taste good, make you feel good and overall be just as enjoyable as that giant pile of cinnamon rolls paired with spicy sausage. (mmm... spicy sausage.) and for a long time it has been a struggle. it's been a fight over every meal, usually inside my head, whether or not to stick to the plan or to indulge in a little harmless cheating just to get along with the inlaws (or whoever, for that matter. it seems every office pot luck and family get-together is clouded with ample opportunities to Screw This Up.)

And then the other day, it happened. After a trip to Michigan to visit my husband's parents for Mother's Day, he got his message from his mother via Skype:

Tell Erin she changed our lives! Dad grilled talipia and asparagus and we were too hungry to wait for her fries but we had a nuked sweet potato. wehad abottle of Riesling in your honor. It was wonderful1

from mom

You'll be kind enough to forgive her typos, she's still learning Technology. (they were too cute to leave out.)

But THIS, my friends, THIS makes all the hard work worth it. THIS is why Ryan worked so hard to wean us off our garbage diet and herd us, like stubborn cats, into a better way of living. i hope he's proud of his Little Projects. he really should be.

so in tribute to the people who have made such a difference in my life, and in celebration of My Temple and how i've finally learned to honor it, and to share with others my experience (successes and Total Fails, of course) i now, today, on the Twenty-First Day of May, 2010, dedicate this blog to these things as well.

i realized recently that my intention with this forum was first to advertise my tiny budding handbag "business," and then more broadly, to share in a community of Crafters and Sewers on the Internet. but then i never posted. anything. sometimes i didn't even make things! thus the total lack of posting. really, the blog turned out to be pretty representative of that area of my life, because NOTHING WAS GETTING DONE. and while that's changing and i'm starting to pick up more projects and actually complete them (shocking), i've had to admit recently that all i really ever do with my time is Work, Work Out and Eat. and if i'm going to have a blog based, even loosely, on my life, why not focus on the things that my life consists of? this was, of course, my husband's idea. i love that man. he smells good... but anyway, if this turns out to suck, take it up with him. did i mention he's 6'4"? and crazy. just sayin'.

so here's the plan: i write about what's going on. short (or sometimes very long) little reflections on Food, Fitness, Fashion or Fabric. but no things that start with letters other than F. ... ok, kidding! lots of things. i no longer plan on restricting this forum to Things That Might Make Me Seem Cooler, and instead just throw it all out there. i guarantee, it's not as salacious as it sounds. but if you're lucky, i might even toss in an entry from my food diary for you, to boot.